Nutritional Jokester Pillows

'I've got rotten teeth and you need glasses, ironic does not even cover it!'

"Our Summer Citrus IPA contains your full daily requirement of fruit and fiber."

"Exercise ball? No thanks, I'm growing my own."

'Say low-cholesterol dairy-free alternative to cheese!'

'Do you have to use that? -- tongue depressors make me hungry.'

Staff. Manager. So then you must say "I refuse to lift weights." Hey, that's not what I expected when I hired you to be a resistance training instructor!

"I tried the C25k but prefer the 5k2C"

'Cut down on sodium? I'm taking that with a pinch of salt.'

'The second day of my diet is the easiest. By then, I'm off my diet.'

Hello-BUNS OF STEEL?

On Sale Today Free Range Chickens...Back In One Hour.

'Look! A rock hard body in 90 days!'

"30 million cookies and thousands of gallons of milk all in one night? Yes, I'd say we've got dietary issues to address."

'If you're into preparing healthy meals then I recommend the apricot brandy. It contains the antioxidant beta carotene.'

'What a relief to find out that fewer calories don't add up to longevity.'

"I like the metric system. My weight in kilograms is less than my weight in pounds."

"I'm having you fitted with a monitoring device that will help reduce blood glucose during meals by automatically signaling the brain to reduce food absorption. It's called a belt."

'Pistachio ice cream does not cpont as a serving of greens.'

Yes, the salad was vegan. In fact, we even offered it first to all the bunnies in the area, each of whom insisted that, no, he was quite full, and he'd like you to have it.

"Sometimes a tightness in the chest can be a sign of high blood pressure. In your husband's case, however, I just loosened his belt a little."

' ... and a side order of statins.'

'I'm hoping for a heat wave - I could afford to lose a few pounds.'

You are what you eat

'I have to ask; do you really care if your double-cheese bacon sausage pepperoni pizza is gluten-free?'

'This is my favorite machine in the gym.'

'They opened an ice cream shop by the gym.'

"Easy on the carbs, Carl."

'I bought a treadmill, so if he sleepwalks again I know where he is.'

"This IS our diet pizza. As I told you, it's a hole pie."

'...time you had your ears syringed?'

"None of our items are gluten-free, but they are prepared by people who are."

"Hold on! A new study says those are actually bad for you."

'Oh great, we break down in the middle of nowhere and the only spare tyre we have is the one around your waist!'

'Crickets are chock full of carbs!'

'Maybe I've got washboard abs underneath - you ever think that?'