Nutritional Jokester Pillows

'I've got rotten teeth and you need glasses, ironic does not even cover it!'

"Our Summer Citrus IPA contains your full daily requirement of fruit and fiber."

"Exercise ball? No thanks, I'm growing my own."

'Say low-cholesterol dairy-free alternative to cheese!'

'Do you have to use that? -- tongue depressors make me hungry.'

"I tried the C25k but prefer the 5k2C"

'Cut down on sodium? I'm taking that with a pinch of salt.'

'The second day of my diet is the easiest. By then, I'm off my diet.'

Hello-BUNS OF STEEL?

On Sale Today Free Range Chickens...Back In One Hour.

'Look! A rock hard body in 90 days!'

'If you're into preparing healthy meals then I recommend the apricot brandy. It contains the antioxidant beta carotene.'

'What a relief to find out that fewer calories don't add up to longevity.'

'Pistachio ice cream does not cpont as a serving of greens.'

"I like the metric system. My weight in kilograms is less than my weight in pounds."

"I'm having you fitted with a monitoring device that will help reduce blood glucose during meals by automatically signaling the brain to reduce food absorption. It's called a belt."

"Sometimes a tightness in the chest can be a sign of high blood pressure. In your husband's case, however, I just loosened his belt a little."

' ... and a side order of statins.'

'I'm hoping for a heat wave - I could afford to lose a few pounds.'

You are what you eat

'I have to ask; do you really care if your double-cheese bacon sausage pepperoni pizza is gluten-free?'

'They opened an ice cream shop by the gym.'

'This is my favorite machine in the gym.'

"Easy on the carbs, Carl."

'I bought a treadmill, so if he sleepwalks again I know where he is.'

"This IS our diet pizza. As I told you, it's a hole pie."

'...time you had your ears syringed?'

"None of our items are gluten-free, but they are prepared by people who are."

"Hold on! A new study says those are actually bad for you."

'Oh great, we break down in the middle of nowhere and the only spare tyre we have is the one around your waist!'

'Maybe I've got washboard abs underneath - you ever think that?'

"No, Fred didn't run a TV marathon - He watched a marathon on TV."

Health food and junk food