Dietary Jokesters Pillows

"None of our items are gluten-free, but they are prepared by people who are."

"Our Summer Citrus IPA contains your full daily requirement of fruit and fiber."

"Two vegans, please."

"I'm putting you on a beef diet. Nothing beef for breakfast, nothing beef for lunch, nothing beef for tea, nothing beef for..."

'According to the weight chart, if you were a condor, you'd have a wingspan of 97 feet.'

'Do you have to use that? -- tongue depressors make me hungry.'

'Say low-cholesterol dairy-free alternative to cheese!'

The Official Covid-19 Diet

'The customer is always right...'

Looking at belt - "One more notch, room for desert."

'The second day of my diet is the easiest. By then, I'm off my diet.'

'The doctor told me to introduce more greens into my diet.'

"I'm on a diet, how many calories in a fly?"

Hello-BUNS OF STEEL?

Exit. My problem is restaurants have drive-throughs, and fitness centers don't.

'I warned you about stuffing yourself with carbs, didn't I?'

On Sale Today Free Range Chickens...Back In One Hour.

"Try to eat more coconuts and fish."

Milk Toast: One of the World's Most Deadly Foods!

"...and the King Cholesterol Meal comes with a side order of CPR."

'Look! A rock hard body in 90 days!'

"The doctor said it wouldn't hurt to fudge a little on my diet."

I grew up vegetarian. Wow. That takes work to stay strong. What motivates you? Hey, lettuce brain! Peer pressure.

'It's a simple matter of checks and balances: your waistline has spread and your brain has shrunk.'

"I like the metric system. My weight in kilograms is less than my weight in pounds."

'You'll like this. It has no nutritional value at all.'

Maybe yuou simply have too many omega 3 fatty acids

'I try to eat a varied diet. One day I'll eat dark chocolate, one day I'll eat white chocolate and one day I'll eat milk chocolate.'

'I'm hoping for a heat wave - I could afford to lose a few pounds.'

"Easy on the carbs, Carl."

"There were days he could kill for a piece of tofu."

"There is some evidence that chocolate can be good for you... But the health benefits tend to fade after the first 20 kilos."

'If you feel guilty, I can put our high fat vanilla ice cream in one of our low fat cups.'

"Well, it's like they say; 230 is the new 180."

'I've got rotten teeth and you need glasses, ironic does not even cover it!'