Dietary Joke-lover Pillows

'Say low-cholesterol dairy-free alternative to cheese!'

'The customer is always right...'

'The second day of my diet is the easiest. By then, I'm off my diet.'

You are what you eat (Nuts).

Hello-BUNS OF STEEL?

On Sale Today Free Range Chickens...Back In One Hour.

I grew up vegetarian. Wow. That takes work to stay strong. What motivates you? Hey, lettuce brain! Peer pressure.

"The doctor said it wouldn't hurt to fudge a little on my diet."

'It's a simple matter of checks and balances: your waistline has spread and your brain has shrunk.'

'What a relief to find out that fewer calories don't add up to longevity.'

"I like the metric system. My weight in kilograms is less than my weight in pounds."

"Easy on the carbs, Carl."

"Well, it's like they say; 230 is the new 180."

Overweight Man With Skipping Rope - To Be Taken 3 Times A Day.

"There were days he could kill for a piece of tofu."

'I don't like to complain, but I'm getting a little tired of crudités.'

"None of our items are gluten-free, but they are prepared by people who are."

My budgie likes Mars bars.

'Of course on this new diet, I only count the calories of the food I eat whilst other people are in the room.'

"If you want fiber, madame, I suggest you eat the menu."

"Can you get on the scale please? I'm on a diet and need to monitor my food intake..."

Excess Baggage: If calories consumed on vacation don't count, then little creatures must sneak into your room at night to shrink your clothes.

"How do you do it, Doris? You eat eighty pounds of grass a day, and still manage to look so slim!"

'...We only eat dry cat food out here.'

"I'm on the whisky diet - I've lost 3 days already..."

Good news! We determined the hair in your vegan soup is from the chef's fake fur coat!

'Of course I'm on a strict diet, doc! I eat vegetarian animals only!'

Mosquito Worry About Saturated Fats

'Not that we don't appreciate the popcorn, but how about something low-carb next time?'

At little Jessica's tea party, nobody ate a bite, claiming they were stuffed

"These high fiber popsicles is just a box of sticks!"

Overweight Man Crashes Through Ceiling

Naughty Food

"It's glutton-free."

'Put the cheesecake and cappuccino on one bill and the health salad on another bill so I can show my wife that I'm watching my diet.'