Diet Jokers Pillows

'Ill have the salad. But could I have it made out of chocolate?'

No thank you, I'm allergic to chocolate. It makes me break out in pounds.

'Don't worry dear. This is diet coke.'

'Actually I'm a nerdivore. I only eat your lamer plants and animals: duckbill platypi, cumquats, daffodils, the occasional mudshark.'

'According to the weight chart, if you were a condor, you'd have a wingspan of 97 feet.'

"I'm putting you on a beef diet. Nothing beef for breakfast, nothing beef for lunch, nothing beef for tea, nothing beef for..."

'Do you have to use that? -- tongue depressors make me hungry.'

Looking at belt - "One more notch, room for desert."

'The second day of my diet is the easiest. By then, I'm off my diet.'

'The doctor told me to introduce more greens into my diet.'

"I'm on a diet, how many calories in a fly?"

Hello-BUNS OF STEEL?

Exit. My problem is restaurants have drive-throughs, and fitness centers don't.

'I warned you about stuffing yourself with carbs, didn't I?'

On Sale Today Free Range Chickens...Back In One Hour.

The nutritional devils and angels on your shoulder.

"Try to eat more coconuts and fish."

'Look! A rock hard body in 90 days!'

"The doctor said it wouldn't hurt to fudge a little on my diet."

Milk Toast: One of the World's Most Deadly Foods!

'I understand the concept, sir, but I think I'd do better if it were a donut.'

Heavy man wants the cake and Edith too.

'I'll have the diet special followed by a triple helping of chocolate sponge cake.'

"You can eat all the cake you want and still get into heaven."

'You'll like this. It has no nutritional value at all.'

Chocolate Munchies. Only 100 calories...' awesome!' - '' - 'Runchy! Rurrgh!!' - '' - 'Oh, hold on. 100 calories per Munchie' - '' -

'Of course they're not working. You're not supposed to have appetite suppressants for dessert.'

"I like the metric system. My weight in kilograms is less than my weight in pounds."

'I try to eat a varied diet. One day I'll eat dark chocolate, one day I'll eat white chocolate and one day I'll eat milk chocolate.'

Maybe yuou simply have too many omega 3 fatty acids

'I'm hoping for a heat wave - I could afford to lose a few pounds.'

'Well my lightest ever was 7lbs 4oz. . .'

"I think that form '10,000' steps may have been 9,999 too many!"

"But is it Organic?"

"Easy on the carbs, Carl."