Diet-conscious Joker Pillows

"You can eat all the cake you want and still get into heaven."

"I say it's Kale, and I say it's spinaches shitfaced uncle."

"I'll faithfully follow any diet plan as long as you also prescribe medical marijuana."

'Actually I'm a nerdivore. I only eat your lamer plants and animals: duckbill platypi, cumquats, daffodils, the occasional mudshark.'

'Eight wiener dogs, and six rolls. It's just not right.'

"He says that when he had a vegetable salad as an appetizer, he can now have burgers, pizza and Coke as a reward."

'I'm going to try that 'vegan' thing, Joe -- give me some beer nuts.'

'Cut down on sodium? I'm taking that with a pinch of salt.'

'The second day of my diet is the easiest. By then, I'm off my diet.'

Hello-BUNS OF STEEL?

"Eat more pizza and doughnuts and stop exercising. Just kidding, you should see your face!"

On Sale Today Free Range Chickens...Back In One Hour.

The nutritional devils and angels on your shoulder.

"We know you boosted that milk truck!" "Admit it or we'll take a bite outta you!"

"Here there is all the bacon, pizza and beer you could desire. But do not eat from the Tree of Tofu lest you should lose paradise."

'I'll have the diet special followed by a triple helping of chocolate sponge cake.'

Chocolate Munchies. Only 100 calories...' awesome!' - '' - 'Runchy! Rurrgh!!' - '' - 'Oh, hold on. 100 calories per Munchie' - '' -

"Whoever pulls it out becomes King of Britain, but Phil licked the handle, so..."

Jim's Smart Kettle

Roger couldn't understand why his diet wasn't working.

"I like the metric system. My weight in kilograms is less than my weight in pounds."

"I brought chips and cookies to snack on and baby carrots to sit unopened on the blanket."

'I'll be talking nonsense when you come to take our order. But, if you pretend I'm speaking French there'll be a big tip in it for you.'

"Easy on the carbs, Carl."

'Calorie averaging...with the oven-fresh trip-el burger, you get...one French fry.'

"But is it Organic?"

Football crazy

"I don't need roughage that badly!"

Fairy Tales in Pandemic Time

"Look! Now they offer healthy choices we can glance at before ordering our usual junk."

"Wine and women are off but can sing as much as you like!"

Buoyancy Weight

"How do you do it, Doris? You eat eighty pounds of grass a day, and still manage to look so slim!"

"Processed food was his undoing. He was eating a salad sandwich in the warehouse, when a pallet of pork pies fell on him!"