Weight Management Joker Pillows

'I stopped using that conditioner that adds more body and I still weigh the same.'

"I'll faithfully follow any diet plan as long as you also prescribe medical marijuana."

'Actually I'm a nerdivore. I only eat your lamer plants and animals: duckbill platypi, cumquats, daffodils, the occasional mudshark.'

"He says that when he had a vegetable salad as an appetizer, he can now have burgers, pizza and Coke as a reward."

'I'm going to try that 'vegan' thing, Joe -- give me some beer nuts.'

'Yes, the treestand's maximum weight capacity is 300 pounds, you weigh 301 pounds.'

'Cut down on sodium? I'm taking that with a pinch of salt.'

'The doctor told me to introduce more greens into my diet.'

"I'm not sure what's causing your stomachache. But I think it's safe to rule out hunger pains."

"Yeah. I'm into fitness. Fittin' dis whole sammich in my mouth."

'I'll have the diet special followed by a triple helping of chocolate sponge cake.'

"You can eat all the cake you want and still get into heaven."

Jim's Smart Kettle

"I'm having you fitted with a monitoring device that will help reduce blood glucose during meals by automatically signaling the brain to reduce food absorption. It's called a belt."

Genie.

Chocolate Munchies. Only 100 calories...' awesome!' - '' - 'Runchy! Rurrgh!!' - '' - 'Oh, hold on. 100 calories per Munchie' - '' -

Roger couldn't understand why his diet wasn't working.

"I'm not finished exercising. I still have a couple of laps to go."

'I thought you needed some exercise, so I packed 800 pounds of weights in your backpack.'

"I brought chips and cookies to snack on and baby carrots to sit unopened on the blanket."

"You know I always sit there for my keep fit programme!"

'This exercise bike's brilliant - it's MOTORISED!'

'Calorie averaging...with the oven-fresh trip-el burger, you get...one French fry.'

'If you count my outie, I've got a seven-pack.'

'I'm prescribing magnets for your weight-loss program. They'll keep this on your refrigerator door.'

Football crazy

"I don't need roughage that badly!"

'Yum Yum Bakery - a subsidiary of Slim-Down Weight Loss Centres.'

"Look! Now they offer healthy choices we can glance at before ordering our usual junk."

"It's not a fitness fad. They don't want to lose connectivity."

"Wine and women are off but can sing as much as you like!"

"The budget wouldn't stretch to a gastric band."

"Would you like to supersize that?"