Healthy Living Joker Pillows

'I'm going to try that 'vegan' thing, Joe -- give me some beer nuts.'

"I'll faithfully follow any diet plan as long as you also prescribe medical marijuana."

'Actually I'm a nerdivore. I only eat your lamer plants and animals: duckbill platypi, cumquats, daffodils, the occasional mudshark.'

"He says that when he had a vegetable salad as an appetizer, he can now have burgers, pizza and Coke as a reward."

'Cut down on sodium? I'm taking that with a pinch of salt.'

'It's your four basic food groups.'

'The doctor told me to introduce more greens into my diet.'

Fishing rod coming out of a health farm towards a hot dog stand.

'Anaesthetic ok?' - 'Yes, ten double scotches from the pub up the road.'

'You don't have a heart murmur, but your liver is muttering.'

Health

The nutritional devils and angels on your shoulder.

"Rolling pizza cutter."

"Yeah. I'm into fitness. Fittin' dis whole sammich in my mouth."

'I'll have the diet special followed by a triple helping of chocolate sponge cake.'

Roger couldn't understand why his diet wasn't working.

Jim's Smart Kettle

Chocolate Munchies. Only 100 calories...' awesome!' - '' - 'Runchy! Rurrgh!!' - '' - 'Oh, hold on. 100 calories per Munchie' - '' -

"You can eat all the cake you want and still get into heaven."

'What a relief to find out that fewer calories don't add up to longevity.'

"I wanted crisps but this assessed my body mass index and gave me an apple ..."

'Lucky for you there was a safety net.'

"I'm not finished exercising. I still have a couple of laps to go."

'I thought you needed some exercise, so I packed 800 pounds of weights in your backpack.'

'Well my lightest ever was 7lbs 4oz. . .'

"I brought chips and cookies to snack on and baby carrots to sit unopened on the blanket."

"You know I always sit there for my keep fit programme!"

"But is it Organic?"

'This exercise bike's brilliant - it's MOTORISED!'

"You can't check my pulse while I'm checking your pulse!"

Football crazy

'The doctor said I need more calcium in my diet, so I'm switching from dark chocolate to milk chocolate.'

"I don't need roughage that badly!"