Weight Management Joker T-Shirts

'I stopped using that conditioner that adds more body and I still weigh the same.'

10K Run: Smoker's Lane.

"I'll faithfully follow any diet plan as long as you also prescribe medical marijuana."

'Actually I'm a nerdivore. I only eat your lamer plants and animals: duckbill platypi, cumquats, daffodils, the occasional mudshark.'

"He says that when he had a vegetable salad as an appetizer, he can now have burgers, pizza and Coke as a reward."

'I'm going to try that 'vegan' thing, Joe -- give me some beer nuts.'

'Yes, the treestand's maximum weight capacity is 300 pounds, you weigh 301 pounds.'

'Cut down on sodium? I'm taking that with a pinch of salt.'

'The doctor told me to introduce more greens into my diet.'

"I'm not sure what's causing your stomachache. But I think it's safe to rule out hunger pains."

"Yeah. I'm into fitness. Fittin' dis whole sammich in my mouth."

'I'll have the diet special followed by a triple helping of chocolate sponge cake.'

Chocolate Munchies. Only 100 calories...' awesome!' - '' - 'Runchy! Rurrgh!!' - '' - 'Oh, hold on. 100 calories per Munchie' - '' -

Genie.

Roger couldn't understand why his diet wasn't working.

"An apple? Doesn't he have any pizza?"

Jim's Smart Kettle

"You can eat all the cake you want and still get into heaven."

"I'm having you fitted with a monitoring device that will help reduce blood glucose during meals by automatically signaling the brain to reduce food absorption. It's called a belt."

'I thought you needed some exercise, so I packed 800 pounds of weights in your backpack.'

"I'm not finished exercising. I still have a couple of laps to go."

"I brought chips and cookies to snack on and baby carrots to sit unopened on the blanket."

"You know I always sit there for my keep fit programme!"

'If you count my outie, I've got a seven-pack.'

'Calorie averaging...with the oven-fresh trip-el burger, you get...one French fry.'

'I'm prescribing magnets for your weight-loss program. They'll keep this on your refrigerator door.'

'This exercise bike's brilliant - it's MOTORISED!'

Football crazy

'Yum Yum Bakery - a subsidiary of Slim-Down Weight Loss Centres.'

"I don't need roughage that badly!"

"Look! Now they offer healthy choices we can glance at before ordering our usual junk."

"Wine and women are off but can sing as much as you like!"

Weight Watchers 'Rona Routines: Flatten the Curves

"Would you like to supersize that?"

"The budget wouldn't stretch to a gastric band."