Dietary Joker Pillows

'Actually I'm a nerdivore. I only eat your lamer plants and animals: duckbill platypi, cumquats, daffodils, the occasional mudshark.'

Chocolate Munchies. Only 100 calories...' awesome!' - '' - 'Runchy! Rurrgh!!' - '' - 'Oh, hold on. 100 calories per Munchie' - '' -

''ere - I thought you said your pans were non-stick!'

'It's the chef's special. His wife just had a baby.'

"How fresh is the calamari?"

"I say it's Kale, and I say it's spinaches shitfaced uncle."

"I'll faithfully follow any diet plan as long as you also prescribe medical marijuana."

'Eight wiener dogs, and six rolls. It's just not right.'

'Would you care for some fresh pepper? Well too bad, because all we have is these dried up old peppercorns.'

'I'm going to try that 'vegan' thing, Joe -- give me some beer nuts.'

"He says that when he had a vegetable salad as an appetizer, he can now have burgers, pizza and Coke as a reward."

'Cut down on sodium? I'm taking that with a pinch of salt.'

'Chocolate never tasted so good as when I sneak a piece while dieting.'

Hello-BUNS OF STEEL?

"Eat more pizza and doughnuts and stop exercising. Just kidding, you should see your face!"

On Sale Today Free Range Chickens...Back In One Hour.

"The chef will accommodate gluten-free requests, but only with a note from your doctor."

"You're right. The sunscreen does taste like ranch dressing."

"We know you boosted that milk truck!" "Admit it or we'll take a bite outta you!"

'Yes, chocolate moose.'

"Here there is all the bacon, pizza and beer you could desire. But do not eat from the Tree of Tofu lest you should lose paradise."

'Make it four beers and an '02 Brunello di Montalcino, if you've got it, for you-know-who.'

'I'll have the diet special followed by a triple helping of chocolate sponge cake.'

'It's her signature dish.'

"Pecan pie with rum-raisin ice cream is the best revenge."

Jim's Smart Kettle

'Yes, I'd like the chef pan-fried, marinated in his disgusting sauce and charcoal grilled.'

"You can eat all the cake you want and still get into heaven."

"Do you have a dollar menu?"

"I like the metric system. My weight in kilograms is less than my weight in pounds."

"If you have one more round it's considered a main dish."

"I brought chips and cookies to snack on and baby carrots to sit unopened on the blanket."

"What is this one - 'Two egg surprise'?"