Health Food Jokester Pillows

"Hold on! A new study says those are actually bad for you."

Health food and junk food

"Our Summer Citrus IPA contains your full daily requirement of fruit and fiber."

Bangers and Mash

'Do you have to use that? -- tongue depressors make me hungry.'

'Cock-a-doodle-doo!' 'Cut back on the chicken soup.'

'The second day of my diet is the easiest. By then, I'm off my diet.'

Hello-BUNS OF STEEL?

"Do you realize what the sodium content of this water is?"

On Sale Today Free Range Chickens...Back In One Hour.

'I just came back from the allergist. I'm allergic to life.'

'If you're into preparing healthy meals then I recommend the apricot brandy. It contains the antioxidant beta carotene.'

"I like the metric system. My weight in kilograms is less than my weight in pounds."

"We learnt about nutrition at school today Mum: Our diet didn't rate well at all..."

'Pistachio ice cream does not cpont as a serving of greens.'

' ... and a side order of statins.'

A worm sits in comfort as he has just eaten 4 apples by himself...

'I have to ask; do you really care if your double-cheese bacon sausage pepperoni pizza is gluten-free?'

"We shouldn't have sugar, wine, beer, cake...we may not live longer but it sure will feel as if we do!"

"Easy on the carbs, Carl."

"This IS our diet pizza. As I told you, it's a hole pie."

'...time you had your ears syringed?'

'I've got rotten teeth and you need glasses, ironic does not even cover it!'

"None of our items are gluten-free, but they are prepared by people who are."

Woman with sardine tin with warning that it may contain mutant whale-size sardines.

Diet Donuts - (Bigger holes).

Angry Santa Letter

"On this diet, you can eat all you want of anything you can grow."

"How do you do it, Doris? You eat eighty pounds of grass a day, and still manage to look so slim!"

Am I in good shape, Doc? If you think "spherical" is a good shape. (Published originally on January 9, 2014.)

"Sure, dead meat is good...it's just that sometimes I'd like a nice salad or a fruit cup!"

'Maybe I've got washboard abs underneath - you ever think that?'

Doctor's recommend a well balanced diet...

"In my expert medical opinion, you are suffering from hypochondria."

'I'm trying to watch my weight so I hope that's low fat!'