Health Food Humor Pillows

'My doc suggested that I eat more veggies. Can you tell me where I can find the steaks - broccoli flavour?'

'Put an egg in the bowl and beat it with the whisk.'

"States of tofu"

"Our Summer Citrus IPA contains your full daily requirement of fruit and fiber."

MUSHROOM MASACRE.

How to Deal With Leftover Turkey

'Muriel's philosophy is that what happens in the kitchen, stays in the kitchen.'

"Charles didn't like tofu."

"My guess it's guacamole."

"Dare I ask for mustard?"

Deliboys

"The Knuckle Sandwich is good."

'I've got this feeling, like a heavy weight on my stomach.'

"Dad fixed you a balanced breakfast - the runny eggs are balanced with burnt toast!"

Sisyphus Sawyer

"I'll have the vegetable lasagne, hold the vegetables."

'Well you asked for Al dente.'

"It's choux pastry, not shoe pastry!"

"The chef made some substitutions to tonight's menu. Instead of Escarots a la Bourguignonne, he's cooking hot dogs."

"I've had a sore throat ever since we moved near the airport!"

'I'm prescribing a laxative pill and a sleeping pill. Never, never take them together.'

'Good lord, Mrs. Frost, how long has he been running a fever?!'

"Do you realize what the sodium content of this water is?"

'It's beans OR toast, not beans ON toast.'

"How am I supposed to trust my gut when it can't even handle a little dairy?"

"That's just great! Enough with the public displays of affection!"

"Looks like you both suffer from IBS. You...irritable bowel. Your friend...irritable burl."

Preserved

'I made your favorite -- dinosaurkraut!'

"That's a toaster. It's a tanning bed for bread."

"Hallelujah!"

Stay at home food pyramid