Health Food Humor Pillows

'My doc suggested that I eat more veggies. Can you tell me where I can find the steaks - broccoli flavour?'

'Put an egg in the bowl and beat it with the whisk.'

"States of tofu"

"Our Summer Citrus IPA contains your full daily requirement of fruit and fiber."

"5 chocolate brownies, 3 banana muffins, 4 caramel cookies and one cappuccino - skinny."

MUSHROOM MASACRE.

How to Deal With Leftover Turkey

'Muriel's philosophy is that what happens in the kitchen, stays in the kitchen.'

"Charles didn't like tofu."

Slices of bread rescuing burnt toast.

"Dare I ask for mustard?"

Deliboys

"My guess it's guacamole."

'I've got this feeling, like a heavy weight on my stomach.'

"The Knuckle Sandwich is good."

"Dad fixed you a balanced breakfast - the runny eggs are balanced with burnt toast!"

Sisyphus Sawyer

"I'll have the vegetable lasagne, hold the vegetables."

'Well you asked for Al dente.'

"It's choux pastry, not shoe pastry!"

M.D. You burned a hole in your stomach --- eat only bland foods from now on! No more spicy food?! It's a season-ending injury!

"I've had a sore throat ever since we moved near the airport!"

"The chef made some substitutions to tonight's menu. Instead of Escarots a la Bourguignonne, he's cooking hot dogs."

'I'm prescribing a laxative pill and a sleeping pill. Never, never take them together.'

'Good lord, Mrs. Frost, how long has he been running a fever?!'

"Do you realize what the sodium content of this water is?"

'It's beans OR toast, not beans ON toast.'

Preserved

'I made your favorite -- dinosaurkraut!'

"That's a toaster. It's a tanning bed for bread."

"It says here you've been experiencing peels of thunder�"

"Hallelujah!"

Stay at home food pyramid

"How am I supposed to trust my gut when it can't even handle a little dairy?"

"That's just great! Enough with the public displays of affection!"