Health Food Humorist Pillows

"Even if wine is made our of fruit I don't think it counts as part of your 'five a day'."

Angry Santa Letter

"Do you realize what the sodium content of this water is?"

Diet Donuts - (Bigger holes).

Woman with sardine tin with warning that it may contain mutant whale-size sardines.

'Your mother ever try to slip spinach into your sandwiches?'

A worm sits in comfort as he has just eaten 4 apples by himself...

"Our Summer Citrus IPA contains your full daily requirement of fruit and fiber."

"I don't really consider oatmeal raisin cookies real cookies. They're more like little granola frisbees."

"On this diet, you can eat all you want of anything you can grow."

'Don't worry, it's organic.'

'...recalling Sun Glo orange juice, Corn X cereal and Lift coffee...'

"We shouldn't have sugar, wine, beer, cake...we may not live longer but it sure will feel as if we do!"

Least popular puppet ever: kale monster!

"Sure, dead meat is good...it's just that sometimes I'd like a nice salad or a fruit cup!"

"We learnt about nutrition at school today Mum: Our diet didn't rate well at all..."

"Okay, now breathe another sigh of relief."

Lactose Intolerant

"I'm afraid you could go at any time."

PSA Banter.

'I don't believe it. Five minutes after he gets the darn thing, he has an arrest!'

'Call me immediately if there's any serious side effects so I can notify my lawyer.'

"War is hell and so is this soup."

'I feel like exercising. Have you seen my tennis shoes?'

Providing Healthcare For All

'Be honest. Does this double bacon cheeseburger with large fries and shake make me look fat?'

"I feel like we are the polyester of dairy products."

'You know you're getting old when you take longer to recover than to get tired.'

"Happy birthday, dear. You still have that sparkle in your eyes!" "That sparkle burned out years ago. These are cataracts."

The British Territory of the South Sandwich Islands.

'Take of the fruit and eat . . . Well, peanuts actually.'

In case of Emergency: Break Glass

'I think I'll go home and eat'

'What you seem to be suffering from is longevity.'

'Will I live Doctor?' 'Yes, but I don't advise it!'