Nutrition Humorist Pillows

Dramatic readings of food labels.

'Finish your ice cream, young man, or no salad.'

"Well, at least you won't need to take your potato vitamins tonight."

"A varied and well-balanced diet is vital to healthy and stress-free living�"

'Crickets are chock full of carbs!'

"Jelly beans do NOT count as veggies!"

"He was born with a plastic straw in his mouth."

"Our Summer Citrus IPA contains your full daily requirement of fruit and fiber."

'What I like best about a magnum of Champagne is, it's a controlled portion.'

'According to the weight chart, if you were a condor, you'd have a wingspan of 97 feet.'

"I'm putting you on a beef diet. Nothing beef for breakfast, nothing beef for lunch, nothing beef for tea, nothing beef for..."

'Do you have to use that? -- tongue depressors make me hungry.'

Vending machines with junk food: 'Zing!', 'Zoom!' and 'Crash!'

'I just got the medium popcorn this time.'

'The customer is always right...'

'The doctor told me to introduce more greens into my diet.'

Looking at belt - "One more notch, room for desert."

You are what you eat (Nuts).

"I'm on a diet, how many calories in a fly?"

"I've had enough sweets for one day."

Calorie averaging...With the oven-fresh trip-el burger, you get one French fry.

"Well, then - two apples a day."

"Do you realize what the sodium content of this water is?"

Milk Toast: One of the World's Most Deadly Foods!

"Try to eat more coconuts and fish."

Weight Gain Denial

"Do you know donuts have fewer calories than you? I guess that would explain your muffin top."

'No, it's not water. You seem to be retaining food.'

'The items with the little hearts will clog your arteries the fastest.'

"Got anything else? I gave up carbs."

'It's a simple matter of checks and balances: your waistline has spread and your brain has shrunk.'

'I'm afraid I can't accept that excuse Mrs Hart. It isn't possible to inhale second hand calories.'

"We learnt about nutrition at school today Mum: Our diet didn't rate well at all..."

"Is it working?"

'Of course they're not working. You're not supposed to have appetite suppressants for dessert.'