Diet Humorist Gifts

Only 75 calories per serving. 652 servings per package.

Looking at belt - "One more notch, room for desert."

'The doctor told me to introduce more greens into my diet.'

'I try to eat a varied diet. One day I'll eat dark chocolate, one day I'll eat white chocolate and one day I'll eat milk chocolate.'

Diet tip no 14325: Take time to enjoy your food. "Did you forget to take the pizza out of the box again?"

Maybe yuou simply have too many omega 3 fatty acids

"Is eye of newt red or white meat?"

"I'm on a diet, how many calories in a fly?"

'I suggest you start sleeping in and not catching the worms early every day...'

'I swim every day, eat nothing but plankton and look at me, I'm still a whale!'

'I'm watching what I eat.'

"Do you mind if I don't say cheese, I'm a vegan."

'But doesn't the extra chewing I do by eating more food burn more calories?'

'You'll like this. It has no nutritional value at all.'

'The package said '90 percent fewer calories' I guess that explains it.'

'Diet Magazine' lunch sign 'Out to 25 calories lunch'

'The Pie Chart's making me hungry.'

'I'm cutting carbs - all 243 pounds of him. The divorce is final tuesday.'

'Knock off the between-feast snacking.'

'Do you have to use that? -- tongue depressors make me hungry.'

'I won't tell my thighs if you don't..'

'So? -- What could be more Zen than empty calories?'

'Raymond, do you really love me or just my low-carbohydrate meat?'

Giant ape eating human as advised by diet book

'Fred's on a tough diet. He can look but he can't eat.'

'Looking at the stars makes me feel small. I'm going off of my diet.'

'The diet plate is just like the regular plate, M'sieur, except that you have to eat it through a tennis racquet.'

'So? -- What could be more Zen than empty calories?'

'If you want to lose weight, fly with your mouth shut.'

"Unbelievable! Even Internet cookies made me gain weight."

"Try to eat more coconuts and fish."

"Go back! You're going the wrong weigh."

"I thought you were on a whole food diet!"

"I just eat one of these and I don't have to munch grass for ten hours?"

'Polly wants a cracker!' 'Maybe we should switch to low-carb crackers?!'