Dieting Humor Fan Prints

'Forget about it - we'll never get a lite slop around here.'

My budgie likes Mars bars.

"Be it fever or cold, Mr Goldsmith, in your case, I think we should starve them both."

"Have you bee dieting? I swear you're thinner!"

'What I like best about a magnum of Champagne is, it's a controlled portion.'

'According to the weight chart, if you were a condor, you'd have a wingspan of 97 feet.'

'Do you have to use that? -- tongue depressors make me hungry.'

"I'm putting you on a beef diet. Nothing beef for breakfast, nothing beef for lunch, nothing beef for tea, nothing beef for..."

'I just got the medium popcorn this time.'

'The doctor told me to introduce more greens into my diet.'

Looking at belt - "One more notch, room for desert."

You are what you eat (Nuts).

"I'm on a diet, how many calories in a fly?"

Calorie averaging...With the oven-fresh trip-el burger, you get one French fry.

Exit. My problem is restaurants have drive-throughs, and fitness centers don't.

'I warned you about stuffing yourself with carbs, didn't I?'

Weight Gain Denial

"Try to eat more coconuts and fish."

Milk Toast: One of the World's Most Deadly Foods!

"Do you know donuts have fewer calories than you? I guess that would explain your muffin top."

'No, it's not water. You seem to be retaining food.'

Before and After Holiday Diet

"Got anything else? I gave up carbs."

'I'm afraid I can't accept that excuse Mrs Hart. It isn't possible to inhale second hand calories.'

'You'll like this. It has no nutritional value at all.'

"Is it working?"

'Of course they're not working. You're not supposed to have appetite suppressants for dessert.'

The real reason salad aids weight loss

'It's a middle-age spread spread.'

'I try to eat a varied diet. One day I'll eat dark chocolate, one day I'll eat white chocolate and one day I'll eat milk chocolate.'

Squirrels eating different types of nuts.

Maybe yuou simply have too many omega 3 fatty acids

'Step One...a pie chart is not dessert.'

'Live there? I might as well wear it on my hips!'

'If you feel guilty, I can put our high fat vanilla ice cream in one of our low fat cups.'