Dieter With A Sense Of Humor Pillows

'I thought it was your figure you were supposed to be watching !'

'Fancy a liquid lunch?'

"I'm putting you on a beef diet. Nothing beef for breakfast, nothing beef for lunch, nothing beef for tea, nothing beef for..."

'Do you have to use that? -- tongue depressors make me hungry.'

'According to the weight chart, if you were a condor, you'd have a wingspan of 97 feet.'

'The customer is always right...'

Looking at belt - "One more notch, room for desert."

'The second day of my diet is the easiest. By then, I'm off my diet.'

'The doctor told me to introduce more greens into my diet.'

"I'm on a diet, how many calories in a fly?"

Milk Toast: One of the World's Most Deadly Foods!

'I'm eating less and drinking less, yet I'm still merry!'

Angel's Food cake vs Devil's food cake.

"Try to eat more coconuts and fish."

'It's a simple matter of checks and balances: your waistline has spread and your brain has shrunk.'

'You'll like this. It has no nutritional value at all.'

"Really, yes, I'm on a diet too: I need to almost double my summer weight before the start of the winter hibernation..."

Maybe yuou simply have too many omega 3 fatty acids

'I try to eat a varied diet. One day I'll eat dark chocolate, one day I'll eat white chocolate and one day I'll eat milk chocolate.'

'This exercise bike's brilliant - it's MOTORISED!'

'If you feel guilty, I can put our high fat vanilla ice cream in one of our low fat cups.'

"There were days he could kill for a piece of tofu."

"Unbelievable! Even Internet cookies made me gain weight."

Excess Baggage: If calories consumed on vacation don't count, then little creatures must sneak into your room at night to shrink your clothes.

'No! No! - it's an ELASTIC band I want!'

"If you want fiber, madame, I suggest you eat the menu."

'Of course on this new diet, I only count the calories of the food I eat whilst other people are in the room.'

"I'm on the whisky diet - I've lost 3 days already..."

'Of course I'm on a strict diet, doc! I eat vegetarian animals only!'

'Looking at the stars makes me feel small. I'm going off of my diet.'

Slim-quik liquid diet box floats up to man stranded on a desert island.

Excess Baggage: From the 'Travel Promises that never meant to be kept' department.

'The diet plate is just like the regular plate, M'sieur, except that you have to eat it through a tennis racquet.'

'So? -- What could be more Zen than empty calories?'