Laughing Dieter Pillows

'The second day of my diet is the easiest. By then, I'm off my diet.'

"I bought a metric scale. I'll no longer be disappointed with my weight because I won't know what it means."

'With a grin like that you can't be sticking to your diet'

"I hope that's low calorie eye of newt."

"My Weight Watchers meeting's tonight. I'd better get inside."

You are what you eat (Nuts).

"No matter how much gelato, pizza and tiramisu I eat, I gain weight. This Mediterranean diet just isn't working."

'I'm eating less and drinking less, yet I'm still merry!'

'I thought it was your figure you were supposed to be watching !'

Angel's Food cake vs Devil's food cake.

How Wafer-Thin Mints Stay Thin.

"I'm on a diet. Mini-size it!"

'I try to watch what I eat, but my eyes aren't always fast enough...'

'This exercise bike's brilliant - it's MOTORISED!'

'Does it come in soy lite?'

I've been trying to cut back on my salt intake. I'd also like to do that, but unfortunately, my main source of salt comes from tears streaming into my mouth.

My budgie likes Mars bars.

"Can you get on the scale please? I'm on a diet and need to monitor my food intake..."

'The diet plate is just like the regular plate, M'sieur, except that you have to eat it through a tennis racquet.'

Snacking on yourself causes NO net weight gain!!!

'Of course on this new diet, I only count the calories of the food I eat whilst other people are in the room.'

Excess Baggage: If calories consumed on vacation don't count, then little creatures must sneak into your room at night to shrink your clothes.

'Of course I'm on a strict diet, doc! I eat vegetarian animals only!'

"I start my diets with the best intentions, but when I see these legs and feet splashing around I go crazy!"

"Oh well. . . another New Year's resolution shot!"

'Everytime there's a thaw, I lose a lot of weight.'

I Speak Your Weight: "Lay off the pizza and chips!"

No wonder I feel so bloated. They said this was No. Cal.'

Weight Watchers: StOUT and thIN Desk Organizers

'My doc suggested that I eat more veggies. Can you tell me where I can find the steaks - broccoli flavour?'

Fantasy Diet League

'I don't mind pigging out as long as it's not on empty calories.'

Food guide.

"Be it fever or cold, Mr Goldsmith, in your case, I think we should starve them both."

Fat Kid.