Quirky Dietitian Gifts

'You have to chew your food: All this feeding-frenzy business is bad for your digestive system...'

Vegetarian Birds

Let's skip to dessert

Dr. Saltine, pioneer of salt transplants.

'Can I have a Banana-Split' without the ice-cream?'

'I'll have one regular cheese-burger from column 'A', and one negative-calories cheese-burger from column 'B'.'

Early bird special - Grilled Pterodactyl.

Okay... which one of you ordered the holy mackerel?

"You were smart to come see, Mr. Lewis. These moles on your back definitely look suspicious."

'My parents are giving up desserts for Lent, so I'm balancing the family diet by giving up vegetables.'

'The items with the little hearts will clog your arteries the fastest.'

"Your husband's laryngitis will probably last another wee but your blood pressure is nothing short of miraculous."

How Wafer-Thin Mints Stay Thin.

Spy microchips in Chinese instant noodles

"Hey, do we have strawberries crushed in cream cheese?"

Salvador Deli

Eye of Newt Helper

"So I said to myself...who am I to deny this calling?"

'What kind of idiot orders a triple anchovy pizza with no cheese?'

"The Corned Beef Cappuccino needs work."

'I try to watch what I eat, but my eyes aren't always fast enough...'

Fruits and vegetables

'I'm worried about my brother, doctor!'

Live yogurt.

"I'm on the 'half and half' diet. I eat half and my dog eats the other half."

"Odd - you have bad cholesterol, good cholesterol, and some cholesterol that wonders why everyone can't just get along."

Snacking on yourself causes NO net weight gain!!!