Quirky Dietitian Pillows

'You have to chew your food: All this feeding-frenzy business is bad for your digestive system...'

Vegetarian Birds

Frank and Ernie's Diner. We're all out of pressed duck, sir, but I can put the squeeze on some chicken for you.

Dr. Saltine, pioneer of salt transplants.

Let's skip to dessert

'Can I have a Banana-Split' without the ice-cream?'

'I'll have one regular cheese-burger from column 'A', and one negative-calories cheese-burger from column 'B'.'

"Is it me, or would a dung beetle taste really good right now?"

"Be right with you - just need to call for a tow truck and change today's 'Catch of the Day' to venison."

Well, O.K., so you found fast food, but what's the hurry?

Early bird special - Grilled Pterodactyl.

Okay... which one of you ordered the holy mackerel?

How is your soup, sir? Speaking for myself, it looks pretty good. I can't speak for the fly, of course.

"You were smart to come see, Mr. Lewis. These moles on your back definitely look suspicious."

'My parents are giving up desserts for Lent, so I'm balancing the family diet by giving up vegetables.'

'The items with the little hearts will clog your arteries the fastest.'

Eye of Newt Helper

How Wafer-Thin Mints Stay Thin.

"Your husband's laryngitis will probably last another wee but your blood pressure is nothing short of miraculous."

Spy microchips in Chinese instant noodles

Salvador Deli

"Hey, do we have strawberries crushed in cream cheese?"

"So I said to myself...who am I to deny this calling?"

'I try to watch what I eat, but my eyes aren't always fast enough...'

'I'm worried about my brother, doctor!'

Fruits and vegetables

It's not a tongue depressor, it's a used popsicle stick. If you can name the flavor, your taste buds pass the test.

'What kind of idiot orders a triple anchovy pizza with no cheese?'

"The Corned Beef Cappuccino needs work."

"Just eat me, you intolerable pervert."

Hello, sir, we're the post-Halloween, leftover candy, concerned citizens patrol.

Live yogurt.

'With the added weight on their chests, donors can give a pint of blood at a time.'

Snacking on yourself causes NO net weight gain!!!

"Odd - you have bad cholesterol, good cholesterol, and some cholesterol that wonders why everyone can't just get along."