Quirky Nutritionist Pillows

Live yogurt.

Dr. Saltine, pioneer of salt transplants.

'...and it has much less cholesterol than beef.'

"Can Johnny come out and eat?"

Free Range Chickens

"You were smart to come see, Mr. Lewis. These moles on your back definitely look suspicious."

'The items with the little hearts will clog your arteries the fastest.'

'My parents are giving up desserts for Lent, so I'm balancing the family diet by giving up vegetables.'

'I'm on a diet -- I just eat the brains.'

"Your husband's laryngitis will probably last another wee but your blood pressure is nothing short of miraculous."

'I'm worried about my brother, doctor!'

Fruits and vegetables

'I try to watch what I eat, but my eyes aren't always fast enough...'

"How come there's a forbidden fruit but not a forbidden vegetable?"

The 5th Basic Food Group - Junk Food.

"I'm fairly sure you can't count jaffa cakes as one of your five a day."

"Odd - you have bad cholesterol, good cholesterol, and some cholesterol that wonders why everyone can't just get along."

'You have to chew your food: All this feeding-frenzy business is bad for your digestive system...'

An Expert's Guide to What's Good and What's Bad to Eat and Drink.

Patient to pharmacist: 'So, is it contagious?'

The high fibre diet

"Yes, fish is healthy, but not really when it's battered, deep-fried and serve with tartare sauce and chips!"

Wheat Things

'Nutrition facts' - 'Health warnings.'

'But Darling, how can it possibly be bad for me? I only smoke a couple a day...'

'I just don't understand all the commotion over genetically altered foods, Jack. We've beens serving them, unbeknownst, to our employees in the very commissary for 10 years without a single complaint.'

"Doctor, I have a question about my medication."

'I'm not so much concerned about seeing floaters in my eyes as I am about the fact that I'm seeing inflatable duck floaties.'

Loved His Carbs.

Health Shop: 'Got anything more exciting?' 'Sure, under the counter we've got beefburgers and chips...and cream cakes!'

'That robin has over indulged.'

Vice-friendly Health Workers