Quirky Health Enthusiast Gifts

"You were smart to come see, Mr. Lewis. These moles on your back definitely look suspicious."

'But Darling, how can it possibly be bad for me? I only smoke a couple a day...'

'With the added weight on their chests, donors can give a pint of blood at a time.'

"Odd - you have bad cholesterol, good cholesterol, and some cholesterol that wonders why everyone can't just get along."

I present my greatest invention: Vitamin water that actually has negative calories! What's the catch? None. All you have to do to lose weight is drink my negative calorie vitamin water while jogging on the treadmill. Any other inane questions? Does it have vitamins in it? Isn't water a vitamin?

Patient to pharmacist: 'So, is it contagious?'

'I'm worried about my brother, doctor!'

Deflated patient with acupuncturist

"Doctor, I have a question about my medication."

'I'm not so much concerned about seeing floaters in my eyes as I am about the fact that I'm seeing inflatable duck floaties.'

Yoga for Alcoholics

You want me to be a what? A hipster. My research shows caf

Turtle Trailer Court

Dr. Saltine, pioneer of salt transplants.

9 out of 10 doctors recommend keeping their stethoscopes in the freezer.

"Hiya, hiya, hiya, guy. I'm the bluebird of Prozac."

'Gee, Doc - couldn't you just use a rubber mallet to check my reflexes?'

'You are talking about health? Ha! My cig does not have calories, fat, cholesterol, carbohydrates and sugar!'

Man with money in hand reads instructions on 'Check prostate' vending machine

'The items with the little hearts will clog your arteries the fastest.'

"9 out of 10 doctors recommend keeping their stethoscopes in the freezer."

"Your husband's laryngitis will probably last another wee but your blood pressure is nothing short of miraculous."

'When I die could you preserve my liver for medical research? You've done that already.'

A Mom and Pop Operation

'Eureka! It won't cure anything, but the side effects are terrific!'

Plastic Surgery

"Why do I always get the stupid wobbly table?"

Your insurance doesn't cover leeches, but some patients are reporting good outcomes with the escargot.

'It's not that he eats between meals -- it's that his meals overlap.'

Lady keeping fit by skipping with her mouse chord.

It's not a tongue depressor, it's a used popsicle stick. If you can name the flavor, your taste buds pass the test.

Fruits and vegetables

"I'm still thirsty. Maybe I've got leaky gut syndrome."

Live yogurt.

'You can eat whatever you like on this diet, and here's a list of whatever you like.'