Quirky Health Enthusiast T-Shirts

"You were smart to come see, Mr. Lewis. These moles on your back definitely look suspicious."

'But Darling, how can it possibly be bad for me? I only smoke a couple a day...'

"Odd - you have bad cholesterol, good cholesterol, and some cholesterol that wonders why everyone can't just get along."

Patient to pharmacist: 'So, is it contagious?'

'I'm worried about my brother, doctor!'

Deflated patient with acupuncturist

"Doctor, I have a question about my medication."

'I'm not so much concerned about seeing floaters in my eyes as I am about the fact that I'm seeing inflatable duck floaties.'

Yoga for Alcoholics

Dr. Saltine, pioneer of salt transplants.

9 out of 10 doctors recommend keeping their stethoscopes in the freezer.

"Hiya, hiya, hiya, guy. I'm the bluebird of Prozac."

'Gee, Doc - couldn't you just use a rubber mallet to check my reflexes?'

'You are talking about health? Ha! My cig does not have calories, fat, cholesterol, carbohydrates and sugar!'

Man with money in hand reads instructions on 'Check prostate' vending machine

'The items with the little hearts will clog your arteries the fastest.'

'When I die could you preserve my liver for medical research? You've done that already.'

"Your husband's laryngitis will probably last another wee but your blood pressure is nothing short of miraculous."

A Mom and Pop Operation

"9 out of 10 doctors recommend keeping their stethoscopes in the freezer."

'Eureka! It won't cure anything, but the side effects are terrific!'

Fruits and vegetables

Plastic Surgery

'It's not that he eats between meals -- it's that his meals overlap.'

Lady keeping fit by skipping with her mouse chord.

"Why do I always get the stupid wobbly table?"

"I'm still thirsty. Maybe I've got leaky gut syndrome."

Live yogurt.

'...and it has much less cholesterol than beef.'

'I don't care what anyone says! This is really hard work!'

This thing on my neck is keeping me awake at night.

Doctor to man: 'Don't kid yourself. You don't have athlete's foot - more like couch potato's corns.'

'You can eat whatever you like on this diet, and here's a list of whatever you like.'

"Not that one...the big one on the top shelf!"

Dr. Potato Head