Quirky Diet Enthusiast T-Shirts

'The items with the little hearts will clog your arteries the fastest.'

Yoga for Alcoholics

"You know how it is, one minute I'm selling insurance in South Dakota and the next minute I have a hook for a hand. How about you?"

You want me to be a what? A hipster. My research shows caf

Vegetarian Birds

"Who ordered the moose en croute?"

Tzatzikicicle

'Can I have a Banana-Split' without the ice-cream?'

'I'll have one regular cheese-burger from column 'A', and one negative-calories cheese-burger from column 'B'.'

"Is it me, or would a dung beetle taste really good right now?"

"Be right with you - just need to call for a tow truck and change today's 'Catch of the Day' to venison."

De ja vu soup - 'It was yesterday's 'soup of the day'.'

Early bird special - Grilled Pterodactyl.

Okay... which one of you ordered the holy mackerel?

How is your soup, sir? Speaking for myself, it looks pretty good. I can't speak for the fly, of course.

"You were smart to come see, Mr. Lewis. These moles on your back definitely look suspicious."

Eye of Newt Helper

"Your husband's laryngitis will probably last another wee but your blood pressure is nothing short of miraculous."

How Wafer-Thin Mints Stay Thin.

Spy microchips in Chinese instant noodles

"Hey, do we have strawberries crushed in cream cheese?"

"So I said to myself...who am I to deny this calling?"

'I'm worried about my brother, doctor!'

"We're very strict. No soy milk, no veggie burgers, no margarine... nothing that even looks like an animal product."

Fruits and vegetables

'Slow and hurl.'

It's not a tongue depressor, it's a used popsicle stick. If you can name the flavor, your taste buds pass the test.

'What kind of idiot orders a triple anchovy pizza with no cheese?'

Lady keeping fit by skipping with her mouse chord.

"The Corned Beef Cappuccino needs work."

"Just eat me, you intolerable pervert."

'With the added weight on their chests, donors can give a pint of blood at a time.'

Roadkill Cafe...specials every day.

"One gluten-free, lactose-free, low carb pizza."

"Odd - you have bad cholesterol, good cholesterol, and some cholesterol that wonders why everyone can't just get along."