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The high fibre diet

'Cock-a-doodle-doo!' 'Cut back on the chicken soup.'

"My great-uncle Octavio always wore his hat in the house. That way, if bad company knocked on the door, he could say he was just leaving."

"You were smart to come see, Mr. Lewis. These moles on your back definitely look suspicious."

'The items with the little hearts will clog your arteries the fastest.'

'When I die could you preserve my liver for medical research? You've done that already.'

"9 out of 10 doctors recommend keeping their stethoscopes in the freezer."

"Your husband's laryngitis will probably last another wee but your blood pressure is nothing short of miraculous."

Your insurance doesn't cover leeches, but some patients are reporting good outcomes with the escargot.

It's not a tongue depressor, it's a used popsicle stick. If you can name the flavor, your taste buds pass the test.

'I'm worried about my brother, doctor!'

'I'm screwed...'

Obesity problems in the UK.

"I'm still thirsty. Maybe I've got leaky gut syndrome."

'With the added weight on their chests, donors can give a pint of blood at a time.'

"Odd - you have bad cholesterol, good cholesterol, and some cholesterol that wonders why everyone can't just get along."

This thing on my neck is keeping me awake at night.

"Not that one...the big one on the top shelf!"

We've had a lot of power cuts lately, but but don't worry we have a back up system.

Psychiatrist with phrenology chart, reads bumps on head.

This might sting a little.

Dr. Potato Head

Geez, Bob, maybe you should see a chiropractor.

"Every time I go on a diet, he brings up the land of milk and honey."

"Welcome to Smart Eating Weight Loss. We've changed our menu options... have you?"

Patient to pharmacist: 'So, is it contagious?'

'I was skeptical at first, but it really works.'

"But the tax evasion did bring me happiness."

CENTER FOR DISEASE CONTROL, 'Emergency, sir! -- Hypochondria has reached epidemic proportions!'

"I don't know what this test is for, so I'm ordering it for yo out of curiosity."

"I need the answers to tomorrow's history test."

Ear, Nose and Throat Specialist.

Scratch 'n dent pacemaker sale! 40% off!

'But Darling, how can it possibly be bad for me? I only smoke a couple a day...'

Hiccups. Run for the cure.