Laughing Dietitian Gifts

'I try to watch what I eat, but my eyes aren't always fast enough...'

'According to the weight chart, if you were a condor, you'd have a wingspan of 97 feet.'

'Do you have to use that? -- tongue depressors make me hungry.'

"I'm putting you on a beef diet. Nothing beef for breakfast, nothing beef for lunch, nothing beef for tea, nothing beef for..."

Dr. Saltine, pioneer of salt transplants.

"My Weight Watchers meeting's tonight. I'd better get inside."

'The customer is always right...'

'The second day of my diet is the easiest. By then, I'm off my diet.'

'The doctor told me to introduce more greens into my diet.'

Looking at belt - "One more notch, room for desert."

"I'm on a diet, how many calories in a fly?"

Exit. My problem is restaurants have drive-throughs, and fitness centers don't.

Heart Disease Menu

'I warned you about stuffing yourself with carbs, didn't I?'

Free Range Chickens

I grew up vegetarian. Wow. That takes work to stay strong. What motivates you? Hey, lettuce brain! Peer pressure.

"Try to eat more coconuts and fish."

Milk Toast: One of the World's Most Deadly Foods!

'My parents are giving up desserts for Lent, so I'm balancing the family diet by giving up vegetables.'

'It's a simple matter of checks and balances: your waistline has spread and your brain has shrunk.'

'You'll like this. It has no nutritional value at all.'

Maybe yuou simply have too many omega 3 fatty acids

'I try to eat a varied diet. One day I'll eat dark chocolate, one day I'll eat white chocolate and one day I'll eat milk chocolate.'

'If you feel guilty, I can put our high fat vanilla ice cream in one of our low fat cups.'

"How come there's a forbidden fruit but not a forbidden vegetable?"

Hello, sir, we're the post-Halloween, leftover candy, concerned citizens patrol.

"There were days he could kill for a piece of tofu."

Live yogurt.

'So? -- What could be more Zen than empty calories?'

"If you want fiber, madame, I suggest you eat the menu."

A little green pepper means 'vegetarian." A little red heart means "heart healthy." And a little skull and crossbones means "I really shouldn't , but

"Unbelievable! Even Internet cookies made me gain weight."

'Looking at the stars makes me feel small. I'm going off of my diet.'

'The diet plate is just like the regular plate, M'sieur, except that you have to eat it through a tennis racquet.'

'Of course on this new diet, I only count the calories of the food I eat whilst other people are in the room.'