Nutritionist With A Sense Of Humor Gifts

Free Range Chickens

"Do you guys serve beer?"

"Can Johnny come out and eat?"

Dr. Saltine, pioneer of salt transplants.

"30 million cookies and thousands of gallons of milk all in one night? Yes, I'd say we've got dietary issues to address."

OPERATING ROOM, 'Your husband may have a little trouble sleeping for awhile -- we spilled some coffee in him.'

Tangled facing dog...

You are what you eat

'I try to watch what I eat, but my eyes aren't always fast enough...'

"How come there's a forbidden fruit but not a forbidden vegetable?"

'I don't care if top breeders do recommend it - I am not going to eat dog food!'

'I just read that in order to get the same benefit as lab mice got from taking resveratrol, you'd have to drink 1,000 bottles of wine per day. For you, that would mean cutting back.'

"You're getting too much fiber."

Hello, sir, we're the post-Halloween, leftover candy, concerned citizens patrol.

Live yogurt.

"Of course our products are absolutely safe!

A little green pepper means 'vegetarian." A little red heart means "heart healthy." And a little skull and crossbones means "I really shouldn't , but

'...and it has much less cholesterol than beef.'

"I'm fairly sure you can't count jaffa cakes as one of your five a day."

'Crickets are chock full of carbs!'

The 5th Basic Food Group - Junk Food.

'Finish your ice cream, young man, or no salad.'

"Crunch gym"

'He'll eat green vegetables... but only with chocolate syrup on them.'

Foods that are bad for you. Foods that are really bad for you.

Dramatic readings of food labels.

Salt flats - 100mi. Low sodium salt flats - 150mi.

"It's easy to control your portions when they won't stop moving."

'Lactose intolerant, eh? Must be tricky, what with being a Maasai an' all....'

'Nutrition facts' - 'Health warnings.'

"Yes, fish is healthy, but not really when it's battered, deep-fried and serve with tartare sauce and chips!"

Wheat Things

'The law requires me to inform you that everything you've ordered may be hazardous to your health.'

"It's about your cholesterol, Mrs Spratt"

'They tired to put healthy snacks in the vending machines but the rotting food slows productivity!'