Nutritionist With A Sense Of Humor Gifts

Free Range Chickens

"Do you guys serve beer?"

"Can Johnny come out and eat?"

Dr. Saltine, pioneer of salt transplants.

Tangled facing dog...

OPERATING ROOM, 'Your husband may have a little trouble sleeping for awhile -- we spilled some coffee in him.'

You are what you eat

'I don't care if top breeders do recommend it - I am not going to eat dog food!'

'I try to watch what I eat, but my eyes aren't always fast enough...'

"How come there's a forbidden fruit but not a forbidden vegetable?"

"You're getting too much fiber."

Live yogurt.

'Crickets are chock full of carbs!'

"I'm fairly sure you can't count jaffa cakes as one of your five a day."

'...and it has much less cholesterol than beef.'

"Of course our products are absolutely safe!

The 5th Basic Food Group - Junk Food.

'Finish your ice cream, young man, or no salad.'

'He'll eat green vegetables... but only with chocolate syrup on them.'

"Crunch gym"

Foods that are bad for you. Foods that are really bad for you.

Dramatic readings of food labels.

"Yes, fish is healthy, but not really when it's battered, deep-fried and serve with tartare sauce and chips!"

'Lactose intolerant, eh? Must be tricky, what with being a Maasai an' all....'

"It's easy to control your portions when they won't stop moving."

Salt flats - 100mi. Low sodium salt flats - 150mi.

Wheat Things

'Nutrition facts' - 'Health warnings.'

"It's about your cholesterol, Mrs Spratt"

"Jelly beans do NOT count as veggies!"

'The law requires me to inform you that everything you've ordered may be hazardous to your health.'

'They tired to put healthy snacks in the vending machines but the rotting food slows productivity!'