Funny Nutritionists Gifts

Hello, sir, we're the post-Halloween, leftover candy, concerned citizens patrol.

'No, honestly, it's just diet and exercise.'

"Can Johnny come out and eat?"

Dr. Saltine, pioneer of salt transplants.

Heart Disease Menu

Free Range Chickens

'I could have had a V-8!'

"30 million cookies and thousands of gallons of milk all in one night? Yes, I'd say we've got dietary issues to address."

Socrates, 399 B.C: 'Wow, I could have had a V-8.'

'I'm on a diet -- I just eat the brains.'

"Health advice does change over time, but I doubt if we'll EVER be recommending a diet of pizza and beer."

'I envy your metabolism.'

You are what you eat

'I just read that in order to get the same benefit as lab mice got from taking resveratrol, you'd have to drink 1,000 bottles of wine per day. For you, that would mean cutting back.'

'Don't rush me. I'm adding up the calories!'

'I don't care if top breeders do recommend it - I am not going to eat dog food!'

'I try to watch what I eat, but my eyes aren't always fast enough...'

'I'm not really hungry but I keep eating tons of fish because I need the Omega 3 fish oil to help lower my triglycerides.'

"How come there's a forbidden fruit but not a forbidden vegetable?"

Live yogurt.

A little green pepper means 'vegetarian." A little red heart means "heart healthy." And a little skull and crossbones means "I really shouldn't , but

"I'm fairly sure you can't count jaffa cakes as one of your five a day."

"Of course our products are absolutely safe!

'...and it has much less cholesterol than beef.'

'Crickets are chock full of carbs!'

Church of the Low-Carbs

"Twice a week I eat nothing but fruit."

The 5th Basic Food Group - Junk Food.

"This new grocery store is divided into two sections: organic and things I can afford."

'I'm going to put you on a low carb diet,'

'Finish your ice cream, young man, or no salad.'

"I'm concerned about your eating habits, son."

'How is it health food prices always make me feel sick as a parrot?'

'He'll eat green vegetables... but only with chocolate syrup on them.'

Fat Cell Metro. Tracks 1-4. Express Line to Hips.