Humorous Nutritionist Gifts

"How come there's a forbidden fruit but not a forbidden vegetable?"

"Our Summer Citrus IPA contains your full daily requirement of fruit and fiber."

"Can Johnny come out and eat?"

Dr. Saltine, pioneer of salt transplants.

'The customer is always right...'

"Well, then - two apples a day."

"Do you realize what the sodium content of this water is?"

Free Range Chickens

I grew up vegetarian. Wow. That takes work to stay strong. What motivates you? Hey, lettuce brain! Peer pressure.

"30 million cookies and thousands of gallons of milk all in one night? Yes, I'd say we've got dietary issues to address."

'It's a simple matter of checks and balances: your waistline has spread and your brain has shrunk.'

Spanx Tells Me No

"We learnt about nutrition at school today Mum: Our diet didn't rate well at all..."

A worm sits in comfort as he has just eaten 4 apples by himself...

You are what you eat

'I try to watch what I eat, but my eyes aren't always fast enough...'

"We shouldn't have sugar, wine, beer, cake...we may not live longer but it sure will feel as if we do!"

Hello, sir, we're the post-Halloween, leftover candy, concerned citizens patrol.

"There were days he could kill for a piece of tofu."

'I just read that in order to get the same benefit as lab mice got from taking resveratrol, you'd have to drink 1,000 bottles of wine per day. For you, that would mean cutting back.'

Live yogurt.

Woman with sardine tin with warning that it may contain mutant whale-size sardines.

Diet Donuts - (Bigger holes).

Angry Santa Letter

'You can eat whatever you like on this diet, and here's a list of whatever you like.'

'...and it has much less cholesterol than beef.'

A little green pepper means 'vegetarian." A little red heart means "heart healthy." And a little skull and crossbones means "I really shouldn't , but

'Crickets are chock full of carbs!'

The 5th Basic Food Group - Junk Food.

"If you want fiber, madame, I suggest you eat the menu."

"On this diet, you can eat all you want of anything you can grow."

'I don't care what anyone says! This is really hard work!'

"Of course our products are absolutely safe!

"Sure, dead meat is good...it's just that sometimes I'd like a nice salad or a fruit cup!"

"I'm fairly sure you can't count jaffa cakes as one of your five a day."