Nutritional Humor Gifts

School Cafeteria. I'm beginning to understand why the first-graders eat paste. (Published originally on Jan. 11, 1995.)

"Our Summer Citrus IPA contains your full daily requirement of fruit and fiber."

'The customer is always right...'

"Do you realize what the sodium content of this water is?"

"30 million cookies and thousands of gallons of milk all in one night? Yes, I'd say we've got dietary issues to address."

I grew up vegetarian. Wow. That takes work to stay strong. What motivates you? Hey, lettuce brain! Peer pressure.

'It's a simple matter of checks and balances: your waistline has spread and your brain has shrunk.'

'When I die could you preserve my liver for medical research? You've done that already.'

'What a relief to find out that fewer calories don't add up to longevity.'

"We learnt about nutrition at school today Mum: Our diet didn't rate well at all..."

You are what you eat

A worm sits in comfort as he has just eaten 4 apples by himself...

"We shouldn't have sugar, wine, beer, cake...we may not live longer but it sure will feel as if we do!"

"There were days he could kill for a piece of tofu."

"How come there's a forbidden fruit but not a forbidden vegetable?"

'I'm not really hungry but I keep eating tons of fish because I need the Omega 3 fish oil to help lower my triglycerides.'

'Does it come in soy lite?'

I've been trying to cut back on my salt intake. I'd also like to do that, but unfortunately, my main source of salt comes from tears streaming into my mouth.

'I don't like to complain, but I'm getting a little tired of crudités.'

You're going to give me a hay fever shot? Shouldn't I be getting an anti hay fever shot?

"I'm afraid a hearing aid will make me look old."

"Patient. . . seems. . . reluctant. . . to get his. . . prostate. . . checked. . ."

Angry Santa Letter

Woman with sardine tin with warning that it may contain mutant whale-size sardines.

Diet Donuts - (Bigger holes).

'Crickets are chock full of carbs!'

'...We only eat dry cat food out here.'

"On this diet, you can eat all you want of anything you can grow."

'I tell you what: Mistress' lap was so much more comfortable before she started her diet...'

CITY CLINIC: 'I want to see whichever doctor is the fattest.'

'This is spinach, Grandma. Spinach isn't grandmotherly.'

A little green pepper means 'vegetarian." A little red heart means "heart healthy." And a little skull and crossbones means "I really shouldn't , but

Good news! We determined the hair in your vegan soup is from the chef's fake fur coat!

"If you want fiber, madame, I suggest you eat the menu."

"Sure, dead meat is good...it's just that sometimes I'd like a nice salad or a fruit cup!"