Nutritionists With A Sense Of Humor Gifts

'I got stuck in the gorging stage of anorexia.'

"Can Johnny come out and eat?"

'I used to think I was the only one kids hated... I don't know what I'd do if it weren't for you guys.'

Dr. Saltine, pioneer of salt transplants.

Free Range Chickens

"30 million cookies and thousands of gallons of milk all in one night? Yes, I'd say we've got dietary issues to address."

"Really, yes, I'm on a diet too: I need to almost double my summer weight before the start of the winter hibernation..."

You are what you eat

'I try to watch what I eat, but my eyes aren't always fast enough...'

'I don't care if top breeders do recommend it - I am not going to eat dog food!'

"How come there's a forbidden fruit but not a forbidden vegetable?"

'I just read that in order to get the same benefit as lab mice got from taking resveratrol, you'd have to drink 1,000 bottles of wine per day. For you, that would mean cutting back.'

Hello, sir, we're the post-Halloween, leftover candy, concerned citizens patrol.

Live yogurt.

"I'm fairly sure you can't count jaffa cakes as one of your five a day."

'...and it has much less cholesterol than beef.'

"Of course our products are absolutely safe!

A little green pepper means 'vegetarian." A little red heart means "heart healthy." And a little skull and crossbones means "I really shouldn't , but

The 5th Basic Food Group - Junk Food.

'Crickets are chock full of carbs!'

'Finish your ice cream, young man, or no salad.'

I Speak Your Weight: "Lay off the pizza and chips!"

'He'll eat green vegetables... but only with chocolate syrup on them.'

An Expert's Guide to What's Good and What's Bad to Eat and Drink.

Foods that are bad for you. Foods that are really bad for you.

Dramatic readings of food labels.

"It's easy to control your portions when they won't stop moving."

Wheat Things

'Nutrition facts' - 'Health warnings.'

'Super size mine. Who knows when Mr. Money Bags will take me out grazing again.'

'Lactose intolerant, eh? Must be tricky, what with being a Maasai an' all....'

"Yes, fish is healthy, but not really when it's battered, deep-fried and serve with tartare sauce and chips!"

"Jelly beans do NOT count as veggies!"

"Well, at least you won't need to take your potato vitamins tonight."

'They tired to put healthy snacks in the vending machines but the rotting food slows productivity!'