Dietitian Humor Gifts

Heart Disease Menu

"I'm concerned about your eating habits, son."

"I'm putting you on a beef diet. Nothing beef for breakfast, nothing beef for lunch, nothing beef for tea, nothing beef for..."

'Do you have to use that? -- tongue depressors make me hungry.'

'According to the weight chart, if you were a condor, you'd have a wingspan of 97 feet.'

'The customer is always right...'

Looking at belt - "One more notch, room for desert."

'The doctor told me to introduce more greens into my diet.'

You are what you eat (Nuts).

"I'm on a diet, how many calories in a fly?"

Exit. My problem is restaurants have drive-throughs, and fitness centers don't.

'I warned you about stuffing yourself with carbs, didn't I?'

Milk Toast: One of the World's Most Deadly Foods!

"Try to eat more coconuts and fish."

I grew up vegetarian. Wow. That takes work to stay strong. What motivates you? Hey, lettuce brain! Peer pressure.

'It's a simple matter of checks and balances: your waistline has spread and your brain has shrunk.'

'You'll like this. It has no nutritional value at all.'

'I try to eat a varied diet. One day I'll eat dark chocolate, one day I'll eat white chocolate and one day I'll eat milk chocolate.'

Maybe yuou simply have too many omega 3 fatty acids

"How come there's a forbidden fruit but not a forbidden vegetable?"

"There were days he could kill for a piece of tofu."

I've been trying to cut back on my salt intake. I'd also like to do that, but unfortunately, my main source of salt comes from tears streaming into my mouth.

'I try to watch what I eat, but my eyes aren't always fast enough...'

'If you feel guilty, I can put our high fat vanilla ice cream in one of our low fat cups.'

'Does it come in soy lite?'

'I don't like to complain, but I'm getting a little tired of crudités.'

Slim-quik liquid diet box floats up to man stranded on a desert island.

'Looking at the stars makes me feel small. I'm going off of my diet.'

"Unbelievable! Even Internet cookies made me gain weight."

Good news! We determined the hair in your vegan soup is from the chef's fake fur coat!

A little green pepper means 'vegetarian." A little red heart means "heart healthy." And a little skull and crossbones means "I really shouldn't , but

'The diet plate is just like the regular plate, M'sieur, except that you have to eat it through a tennis racquet.'

'So? -- What could be more Zen than empty calories?'

"Can you get on the scale please? I'm on a diet and need to monitor my food intake..."

'No! No! - it's an ELASTIC band I want!'