Diet Comedienne Gifts

Your Weight 1c/Whatever Weight You want 25c.

'Do you have to use that? -- tongue depressors make me hungry.'

"I'm putting you on a beef diet. Nothing beef for breakfast, nothing beef for lunch, nothing beef for tea, nothing beef for..."

'According to the weight chart, if you were a condor, you'd have a wingspan of 97 feet.'

''Food miles' is a big issue, so I'm reducing the distance my food travels by moving my fridge into the living room.'

Looking at belt - "One more notch, room for desert."

'The doctor told me to introduce more greens into my diet.'

Fast Food Dieter

'The doctor told me to introduce more greens in my diet.'

"I'm on a diet, how many calories in a fly?"

Exit. My problem is restaurants have drive-throughs, and fitness centers don't.

'I warned you about stuffing yourself with carbs, didn't I?'

"Try to eat more coconuts and fish."

Milk Toast: One of the World's Most Deadly Foods!

'I'm fat, I eat too much and my blood pressure is high. . . Have a beer and some chips but feel guilty about it.'

Cathy decides to remain standing on the scale until she loses weight.

Woman on diet being chased by temptation.

Chocolate Munchies. Only 100 calories...' awesome!' - '' - 'Runchy! Rurrgh!!' - '' - 'Oh, hold on. 100 calories per Munchie' - '' -

'You'll like this. It has no nutritional value at all.'

"I can't get the blasted tin opener to work."

'No more beans this week, I think, Matilda.'

'He wanted to know if anyone had ever brought out a keep-fat video.'

'You're eating all the wrong food.'

Maybe yuou simply have too many omega 3 fatty acids

'I try to eat a varied diet. One day I'll eat dark chocolate, one day I'll eat white chocolate and one day I'll eat milk chocolate.'

Sick Of A Low-Carb Diet

How to keep your man healthy: 'No sex 'til you eat your vegetables!'

'If you feel guilty, I can put our high fat vanilla ice cream in one of our low fat cups.'

I've been trying to cut back on my salt intake. I'd also like to do that, but unfortunately, my main source of salt comes from tears streaming into my mouth.

Chicken A La King

'Does it come in soy lite?'

'Still antsy about the new diet I put you on?'

Exercise and diet at the same time - open and close your refrigerator door 100 times.

"Unbelievable! Even Internet cookies made me gain weight."

'The diet plate is just like the regular plate, M'sieur, except that you have to eat it through a tennis racquet.'