Crash Diet Comedy Gifts

Who says crash diets don't work?

'According to the weight chart, if you were a condor, you'd have a wingspan of 97 feet.'

'Do you have to use that? -- tongue depressors make me hungry.'

"I'm putting you on a beef diet. Nothing beef for breakfast, nothing beef for lunch, nothing beef for tea, nothing beef for..."

Looking at belt - "One more notch, room for desert."

'The doctor told me to introduce more greens into my diet.'

You are what you eat (Nuts).

'The doctor told me to introduce more greens in my diet.'

"I'm on a diet, how many calories in a fly?"

Exit. My problem is restaurants have drive-throughs, and fitness centers don't.

'I warned you about stuffing yourself with carbs, didn't I?'

"Try to eat more coconuts and fish."

Milk Toast: One of the World's Most Deadly Foods!

Watch overhead if you want to improve product delivery. Bridge financing could figure.

Chocolate Munchies. Only 100 calories...' awesome!' - '' - 'Runchy! Rurrgh!!' - '' - 'Oh, hold on. 100 calories per Munchie' - '' -

'He wanted to know if anyone had ever brought out a keep-fat video.'

'You'll like this. It has no nutritional value at all.'

'92 elements in the Universe and you always have to chuck the compound NaCl all over your dinner!'

'I try to eat a varied diet. One day I'll eat dark chocolate, one day I'll eat white chocolate and one day I'll eat milk chocolate.'

Maybe yuou simply have too many omega 3 fatty acids

Sick Of A Low-Carb Diet

'Does it come in soy lite?'

The cake diet.

'If you feel guilty, I can put our high fat vanilla ice cream in one of our low fat cups.'

I've been trying to cut back on my salt intake. I'd also like to do that, but unfortunately, my main source of salt comes from tears streaming into my mouth.

'Of course I'm on a strict diet, doc! I eat vegetarian animals only!'

'Looking at the stars makes me feel small. I'm going off of my diet.'

Live To Crash, Crash To Live.

'So? -- What could be more Zen than empty calories?'

"Unbelievable! Even Internet cookies made me gain weight."

'The diet plate is just like the regular plate, M'sieur, except that you have to eat it through a tennis racquet.'

Excess Baggage: From the 'Travel Promises that never meant to be kept' department.

Slim-quik liquid diet box floats up to man stranded on a desert island.

"Can you get on the scale please? I'm on a diet and need to monitor my food intake..."

Excess Baggage: If calories consumed on vacation don't count, then little creatures must sneak into your room at night to shrink your clothes.