Diet Comedienne Pillows

Your Weight 1c/Whatever Weight You want 25c.

"I'm putting you on a beef diet. Nothing beef for breakfast, nothing beef for lunch, nothing beef for tea, nothing beef for..."

'Do you have to use that? -- tongue depressors make me hungry.'

'According to the weight chart, if you were a condor, you'd have a wingspan of 97 feet.'

''Food miles' is a big issue, so I'm reducing the distance my food travels by moving my fridge into the living room.'

'The doctor told me to introduce more greens into my diet.'

Looking at belt - "One more notch, room for desert."

Fast Food Dieter

"I'm on a diet, how many calories in a fly?"

'The doctor told me to introduce more greens in my diet.'

"Try to eat more coconuts and fish."

Milk Toast: One of the World's Most Deadly Foods!

'I'm fat, I eat too much and my blood pressure is high. . . Have a beer and some chips but feel guilty about it.'

Cathy decides to remain standing on the scale until she loses weight.

Woman on diet being chased by temptation.

'No more beans this week, I think, Matilda.'

"I can't get the blasted tin opener to work."

'He wanted to know if anyone had ever brought out a keep-fat video.'

'You'll like this. It has no nutritional value at all.'

Chocolate Munchies. Only 100 calories...' awesome!' - '' - 'Runchy! Rurrgh!!' - '' - 'Oh, hold on. 100 calories per Munchie' - '' -

'You're eating all the wrong food.'

Maybe yuou simply have too many omega 3 fatty acids

'I try to eat a varied diet. One day I'll eat dark chocolate, one day I'll eat white chocolate and one day I'll eat milk chocolate.'

Sick Of A Low-Carb Diet

'Does it come in soy lite?'

'If you feel guilty, I can put our high fat vanilla ice cream in one of our low fat cups.'

'Still antsy about the new diet I put you on?'

Chicken A La King

How to keep your man healthy: 'No sex 'til you eat your vegetables!'

Exercise and diet at the same time - open and close your refrigerator door 100 times.

'So? -- What could be more Zen than empty calories?'

Excess Baggage: From the 'Travel Promises that never meant to be kept' department.

'The diet plate is just like the regular plate, M'sieur, except that you have to eat it through a tennis racquet.'