Diet Dancer Gifts

'Would you like the low-carb, gluten-free, or the hell, bring-it-on section?'

'If you give up alcohol, cigarettes, sex, red meat, cakes and chocolate, and don't get too excited, you can enjoy life for a few more years yet.'

'Personally I take all these programmes with a pinch of salt.'

Soup of the month.

'Not that sort of body building program!'

'I never should have ordered the diet platter.'

Good Cop/Bad Cholesterol

Two books: 'The Joy of Cooking' next to 'The Joy of Dieting'.

'You need to stay away from the pie in the sky.'

The discovery of asparagus.

A small number of people are afraid of heights, but there is an epidemic fear of widths.

'Good news. Your cholesterol has stayed the same, but the research findings have changed.'

'His workout regimen consists of 50 sit-downs every day.'

Begin this high fiber diet slowly. Too fast and your co-workers may complain of a greenhouse effect.

"I'll faithfully follow any diet plan as long as you also prescribe medical marijuana."

"I'd like to start the 'Wellness at Work' training by offering you some guidance on diet and exercise."

'My diet seems to be working great! Do you have any less relaxed jeans?'

"My diet plan for you is if it tastes good, spit it out."

'Humans seem to be so weight-conscious: My rider weighs himself before each race...'

"They say we destroy plants – such as potatoes, corn and carrots – and they're boycotting us. They're fruitarians."

"You need to lose 20 cable channels."

Dieting Motivation.

'Dorothy - we're not in the health food section anymore.'

Woman weighing herself while holding balloons

'Please help mommy lose some weight. She gets grumpy when she's on a diet that's not working.'

'You put him on a diet, so he put you on a diet.'

'Vegetarian is an old Indian word which means bad hunter.'

'My wife's on a diet. So far she's lost her personality.'

'I followed you advice for losing weight....i got naked and stood in front of a mirror...they threw me out of the restaurant.'

"Here we go again, every 30,000 years or so this Paleo diet becomes a fad."

"This is the 'carboniferous' age and we're here in the 'Carbs-Are-Really-Bad-For-Us' Age."

Shawn considered himself a vegetarian by proxy.

'I don't get it! I've been exercising for six weeks now and haven't lost a pound.'

Looking at magnetic polarity one understands why an apple a day keeps the doctor away.