Diet Drama Lover Gifts

"This can't be right. I was supposed to lose 20 lbs before my next annual exam - maybe I should postpone my appointment for ... another year."

'I'm starting my diet tomorrow!'

'Still at a plateau, Mrs Johnson?'

"Isn't it time you packed in that anorexic's diet? For a moment there I thought you were the lampstand!"

'If you give up alcohol, cigarettes, sex, red meat, cakes and chocolate, and don't get too excited, you can enjoy life for a few more years yet.'

'I never should have ordered the diet platter.'

'You need to stay away from the pie in the sky.'

"I'll faithfully follow any diet plan as long as you also prescribe medical marijuana."

'My diet seems to be working great! Do you have any less relaxed jeans?'

"My diet plan for you is if it tastes good, spit it out."

'Humans seem to be so weight-conscious: My rider weighs himself before each race...'

You are what you eat (Nuts).

'I followed you advice for losing weight....i got naked and stood in front of a mirror...they threw me out of the restaurant.'

'My wife's on a diet. So far she's lost her personality.'

'…and I want you to limit yourself to 3 feeding frenzies a day.'

'I don't get it! I've been exercising for six weeks now and haven't lost a pound.'

I've been told I can order a small mocha. Told? Because of my heart rate and activity level over the past seven days, I've been allotted a daily limit of 1,426 calories. I'm told that's just enough to include one small mocha. Hold on … there's vibrating ... Hold on ... hold on ... buffering ... Bing! Fitness overlords says I'm one calorie away from a medium mocha. It says yelling burns one calorie. I've got to get that app.

'Stop him, he's got the receipe.' Duck running away

'We'll get our food....eventually.'

"This is the 'carboniferous' age and we're here in the 'Carbs-Are-Really-Bad-For-Us' Age."

"Here we go again, every 30,000 years or so this Paleo diet becomes a fad."

All-You-Should-Eat Buffet

"If you order from our wellness menu, you get a side of yogurt with every dish."

'When does the fridge go on a diet?'

No, you don't need to be "gluten-free." I said "glutton-free"!

'Gluten-free manna will come in the second salvo.'

"I'm right off my quinoa doc."

Obesity Report

'Two all beef patties, special sauce, lettuce, cheese, pickles, onions, on a sesame seed bun.'

The trick to losing weight is to eat a small portion and wait 10 minutes. By then your resolve has caught up with your appetite!

"Ready to head back?"

'And also, no cigarettes, no cigars, no alcohol,no sweets,no dairy products, no bacon, no ham...'

'Mom, your diet says you can eat all the vegetables you want. Wow! A diet without vegetables!'

"So, when we stopped serving meals, I thought, why not see this as a marketing opportunity?"

'What we have here is a hostage situation - There's a thin person inside you screaming to get out.'