Dieting Drama Gifts

'A table near the food, please.'

'Be honest. Does this double bacon cheeseburger with large fries and shake make me look fat?'

'Gluten-free manna will come in the second salvo.'

'Will we ever get a morning-after pill for over-eating?'

'You need a heart transplant, maybe two.'

Woman on diet being chased by temptation.

'You're eating all the wrong food.'

'Trouble cutting pickled onions.'

She realised it would be foolish to start a diet with third cousin Rodney's retirement party due in only 12 years.

'No more beans this week, I think, Matilda.'

"I'm trying to eat more vegetarians."

"This can't be right. I was supposed to lose 20 lbs before my next annual exam - maybe I should postpone my appointment for ... another year."

"How was the food sir?"

How to keep your man healthy: 'No sex 'til you eat your vegetables!'

'Still antsy about the new diet I put you on?'

"I've been on the hip and thigh diet."

'Quit chewing tobacco? But that's the only source of fiber I get.'

Woman on scales.

I lost 10 pounds during that last thaw...but it was all water weight.

My budgie likes Mars bars.

"Quick! Tiptoe out and phone the Fire Service!"

'I tell you what: Mistress' lap was so much more comfortable before she started her diet...'

'I was doing REALLY well, and then I sleepwalked last night and at a 20-pound bag of potatoes!'

'A fly in your soup, eh? -- Call me if it gets any worse.'

'Still at a plateau, Mrs Johnson?'

Shame on You.

'You did ask for the wine steward - now grovel, man, grovel!'

Diet - Stop stuffing your face"

"I decided to limit myself to just one Easter egg this year."

'I've worked out, if you lose ten pounds a week, in two months you'll be gone completely.'

'You've been on a diet and lost six kilos...Well I think I have found them!'

'Can you send this back to the kitchen. It's cold.'

"...and I want you to limit yourself to 3 feeding frenzies a day."

"Put an olive in it please. My doctor told me to eat more greens!"

'Oh,do grow up - dinner wasn't that late.'