Diet Drama Fan Gifts

'This thing is stupid - I weigh just the same with my coat and boots OFF!'

"...and I want you to limit yourself to 3 feeding frenzies a day."

You are what you eat (Nuts).

'Gluten-free manna will come in the second salvo.'

She realised it would be foolish to start a diet with third cousin Rodney's retirement party due in only 12 years.

Woman on diet being chased by temptation.

'No more beans this week, I think, Matilda.'

'You're eating all the wrong food.'

"This can't be right. I was supposed to lose 20 lbs before my next annual exam - maybe I should postpone my appointment for ... another year."

Sick Of A Low-Carb Diet

How to keep your man healthy: 'No sex 'til you eat your vegetables!'

'A table near the food, please.'

'Still antsy about the new diet I put you on?'

"I've been on the hip and thigh diet."

"Lookin' good, Frosty!"

'Quit chewing tobacco? But that's the only source of fiber I get.'

My budgie likes Mars bars.

Woman on scales.

"Can you get on the scale please? I'm on a diet and need to monitor my food intake..."

'I was doing REALLY well, and then I sleepwalked last night and at a 20-pound bag of potatoes!'

"It looks like there is too much dairy in your diet."

"Quick! Tiptoe out and phone the Fire Service!"

"His last words were, 'before I die, I must confess I've been unfaithful'. Then I shot him."

Advent fridge

'You did ask for the wine steward - now grovel, man, grovel!'

'You've been on a diet and lost six kilos...Well I think I have found them!'

Shame on You.

Wot's the row up the Court, Bill? Bob Smith was kissing my wife, and 'is old woman caught him.

'Still at a plateau, Mrs Johnson?'

"Put an olive in it please. My doctor told me to eat more greens!"

"Isn't this romantic—just the two of us by a fire as it consumes every letter from that tramp you almost married?"

Food guide.

'Let there be lite...er, wait. Let me try that again.'

'That's not funny. Howard...get your foot off the scale!'