Diet Drama Fan Pillows

'This thing is stupid - I weigh just the same with my coat and boots OFF!'

"...and I want you to limit yourself to 3 feeding frenzies a day."

You are what you eat (Nuts).

'I am on a diet! It's called the Wall Street diet. I invested in British Airways, and the first day I lost 500 pounds.'

'Gluten-free manna will come in the second salvo.'

No, you don't need to be "gluten-free." I said "glutton-free"!

She realised it would be foolish to start a diet with third cousin Rodney's retirement party due in only 12 years.

'No more beans this week, I think, Matilda.'

'You're eating all the wrong food.'

Woman on diet being chased by temptation.

"This can't be right. I was supposed to lose 20 lbs before my next annual exam - maybe I should postpone my appointment for ... another year."

Sick Of A Low-Carb Diet

"I've been on the hip and thigh diet."

How to keep your man healthy: 'No sex 'til you eat your vegetables!'

'A table near the food, please.'

'Still antsy about the new diet I put you on?'

"Lookin' good, Frosty!"

'Quit chewing tobacco? But that's the only source of fiber I get.'

Woman on scales.

My budgie likes Mars bars.

"Can you get on the scale please? I'm on a diet and need to monitor my food intake..."

"It looks like there is too much dairy in your diet."

"Quick! Tiptoe out and phone the Fire Service!"

'I was doing REALLY well, and then I sleepwalked last night and at a 20-pound bag of potatoes!'

Shame on You.

'Still at a plateau, Mrs Johnson?'

'You've been on a diet and lost six kilos...Well I think I have found them!'

Advent fridge

"His last words were, 'before I die, I must confess I've been unfaithful'. Then I shot him."

Wot's the row up the Court, Bill? Bob Smith was kissing my wife, and 'is old woman caught him.

'You did ask for the wine steward - now grovel, man, grovel!'

"Put an olive in it please. My doctor told me to eat more greens!"

'That's not funny. Howard...get your foot off the scale!'

"Isn't this romantic—just the two of us by a fire as it consumes every letter from that tramp you almost married?"

Harvey had never had a meal that disagreed with him this violently before.