Diet Dramatist Gifts

She realised it would be foolish to start a diet with third cousin Rodney's retirement party due in only 12 years.

'Do you have to use that? -- tongue depressors make me hungry.'

'According to the weight chart, if you were a condor, you'd have a wingspan of 97 feet.'

"I'm putting you on a beef diet. Nothing beef for breakfast, nothing beef for lunch, nothing beef for tea, nothing beef for..."

The Perfect Foil

'Fish has mercury, meat has e-coli, veggies have pesticides, desserts cause obesity...so we'll have the health-concious nothing for dinner' special.'

Looking at belt - "One more notch, room for desert."

'The doctor told me to introduce more greens into my diet.'

"I'm on a diet, how many calories in a fly?"

'The doctor told me to introduce more greens in my diet.'

'Hello, Ebeneezer! It's me - the ghost of coming dinner!'

Exit. My problem is restaurants have drive-throughs, and fitness centers don't.

'...and could you refill the vinegar - Genius here thinks it's the wine.'

'I warned you about stuffing yourself with carbs, didn't I?'

Waiter: 'Your Tossed salad Ma'am.'

Milk Toast: One of the World's Most Deadly Foods!

'Let's forget the duck de la margola and order something else!' (man seeing duck fleeing from cook).

"Would you mind telling me why you keep hitting a scary-music sound bite every time you pick up your steak knife?"

"Try to eat more coconuts and fish."

'Gluten-free manna will come in the second salvo.'

"Let me give you the Heimlich. That always gets the waiter's attention."

'Lovely soup, just like my mother used to open.'

'The tax and tip I understand, but what's this charge for shipping and handling?'

'Are these mushrooms or toadstools? And why are you holding a stomach pump?.'

'After you with the camouflage.'

Alarming symptoms after eating boiled beef and gooseberry pie

'You'll like this. It has no nutritional value at all.'

Woman on diet being chased by temptation.

'No more beans this week, I think, Matilda.'

'You're eating all the wrong food.'

Chocolate Munchies. Only 100 calories...' awesome!' - '' - 'Runchy! Rurrgh!!' - '' - 'Oh, hold on. 100 calories per Munchie' - '' -

"Wait. Let it breathe."

Maybe yuou simply have too many omega 3 fatty acids

'I try to eat a varied diet. One day I'll eat dark chocolate, one day I'll eat white chocolate and one day I'll eat milk chocolate.'

"This can't be right. I was supposed to lose 20 lbs before my next annual exam - maybe I should postpone my appointment for ... another year."