Foodie Dramatist Gifts

"Places, everybody!"

'Take of the fruit and eat . . . Well, peanuts actually.'

The British Territory of the South Sandwich Islands.

"I read somewhere that truffles are a gateway fungus."

'I think I'll go home and eat'

'Lining my pockets with aluminum foil so I can sneak Thanksgiving leftovers home.'

"Charles didn't like tofu."

Competitive Eating Competition Competitive Vomiting Competition,

'Yes, I am impressed at how fast you got here, but where's my pizza?'

'The vegetables sat in the crisper for hours...days...a whole week. Then suddenly, the drawer opened. A hand reached in, grabbed the kale, and all you could hear was the sound of...A Garbage disposal.'

"I'm just the bus boy but I'll be ignoring you also."

"The prices they charge here, you'd expect them to have an oven not just a gas ring!"

Seafood: "Of course our food is fresh."

"May I offer you a side of life insurance?"

Somewhere in France - The Eliot sisters come face to face with escargots.

Do-it-yourself sushi bar serves live fish to customer.

"I don't know where to begin, each dish has its own app."

'We just invented cooking yesterday, and already she's serving leftovers!'

You are what you eat (Nuts).

'And it comes with oven mitts, butter, sour cream and chives.'

NASA, 'I thought YOU were bringing a can opener!'

"[Old Steak Bone Tavern]"

"Sorry Sir, but what exactly were you expecting to be served when you ordered the 'early bird special'."

Uncle Giving Boy a Mince Pie

'Today's special is yesterday's left-overs.'

People who steal food out of the fridge at work and then say...

"Obviously, sir, it's a very discerning, vegetarian fly."

"Would you mind telling me why you keep hitting a scary-music sound bite every time you pick up your steak knife?"

"My lord, Sir Arthur is pleased to bid thee welcome to his food court."

Bagel problems.

'The tax and tip I understand, but what's this charge for shipping and handling?'

"They're going to print a retraction - your desserts are not inconsistent."