Foodie Dramatist Gifts

"Places, everybody!"

"I read somewhere that truffles are a gateway fungus."

'Take of the fruit and eat . . . Well, peanuts actually.'

'I think I'll go home and eat'

The British Territory of the South Sandwich Islands.

'Lining my pockets with aluminum foil so I can sneak Thanksgiving leftovers home.'

"Charles didn't like tofu."

Competitive Eating Competition Competitive Vomiting Competition,

Movie Awards. Winner. It's been a big night for Ernie! He won three times at the movie-set caterer awards! On one set he made a healthy, refreshing beverage that received rave reviews from the cast and crew. He won the "best pitcher" award for it. Did they say he won for best costumes? No, his dressings won. His sticky buns won also. For "best leading roll" performance, right? No, for best "cinnamontography"!

'Yes, I am impressed at how fast you got here, but where's my pizza?'

'The vegetables sat in the crisper for hours...days...a whole week. Then suddenly, the drawer opened. A hand reached in, grabbed the kale, and all you could hear was the sound of...A Garbage disposal.'

"The prices they charge here, you'd expect them to have an oven not just a gas ring!"

Bedtime Stories with Gordon Ramsay

"I'm just the bus boy but I'll be ignoring you also."

Do-it-yourself sushi bar serves live fish to customer.

Seafood: "Of course our food is fresh."

Somewhere in France - The Eliot sisters come face to face with escargots.

'We just invented cooking yesterday, and already she's serving leftovers!'

"May I offer you a side of life insurance?"

"I don't know where to begin, each dish has its own app."

F&E Diner. I'll bet you want the alphabet soup, right? Hey! Don't put words in my mouth!

You are what you eat (Nuts).

NASA, 'I thought YOU were bringing a can opener!'

"Sorry Sir, but what exactly were you expecting to be served when you ordered the 'early bird special'."

"[Old Steak Bone Tavern]"

'And it comes with oven mitts, butter, sour cream and chives.'

The mission: Impossible burger.

Uncle Giving Boy a Mince Pie

'Today's special is yesterday's left-overs.'

Waiter: 'Your Tossed salad Ma'am.'

"Obviously, sir, it's a very discerning, vegetarian fly."

"My lord, Sir Arthur is pleased to bid thee welcome to his food court."

'The tax and tip I understand, but what's this charge for shipping and handling?'

'In case of fire, don't panic. Pay your bill then leave.'

"They're going to print a retraction - your desserts are not inconsistent."