Foodie With A Flair For The Dramatic Gifts

"I'm supposed to sing you the specials. Do you want me to do that?"

Somewhere in France - The Eliot sisters come face to face with escargots.

"And I'm teaming that burned sausage up with a warm, flat local lager."

"I hope you won't repent afterwards, Vicar, It's a devilishly hot vindaloo!"

"Yes, we have blue cheese. Do you want it in electric, sky or navy blue?"

"Everything taste so divinely artisanal."

"You got maybe one that smells like cheese blintzes frying?"

Jewish Geometry

'Would you care for some fresh pepper? Well too bad, because all we have is these dried up old peppercorns.'

"I can assure you ladies all our eggs come from free range chickens."

"'Well done' lulled him into complacency."

"I''' have the misspelled 'Ceasar' salad and the improperly hyphenated veal osso-buco."

'This is gluten free, isn't it?'

"Lumpy? Of course it's lumpy! Sweetbread soup is meant to be lumpy."

'My husband will order the wine. He happens to be a graduate of the 3-Second Master of Wine program.'

'I'm very impressed that you ordered the entire meal in French. Pity it's a Chinese restaurant...'

'Are you sure you don't have any Indian blood?.'

"Wait a minute- these are just the ten commandments of perfect mashed potatoes."

'I'm afraid the Chef's Surprise today is that he ran off with one of the waitresses.'

An art director eats: 'Waiter! Does this lettuce say 'salad' to you?'

'The crepes of wrath.' 'Joad's mobile pancake store.'

"Do you have something for somebody with no palette, no taste and no money?"

Beef Wellingtons

'I'll have the Chairman-of-the-board Lunch, and Dexter here will have the Sissy's Salad.'

'You're cute when you blow your cool.'

'In case of emergency, break glass.'

"The butter-poached lobster with melted leeks and horseradish creme fraiche...you want that in a wrap?"

'Monsieur, in this café you've got to dance your order.'

'This Chardonnay is so over-oaked, it comes with a 2-year service contract from Terminix.'

"My bouche was not amused."

"Take your time. Breakfast is the most important meal of the day."

"Excuse me but it's our food, can you make it sexy?"

'Careful, the plate is really hot.'

"Now, what? I'm wearing a hair net."

'Are they fat free, low carb, high fibre and organic?'