Bad Food Dramatist Gifts

'How can anything this bad be fattening?.'

Emotion of Mr. Kenwigs on hearing the family news from Nicholas

"Charles didn't like tofu."

'The vegetables sat in the crisper for hours...days...a whole week. Then suddenly, the drawer opened. A hand reached in, grabbed the kale, and all you could hear was the sound of...A Garbage disposal.'

'Someone's been tampering with this chicken. It tastes like chicken.'

The Perfect Foil

Somewhere in France - The Eliot sisters come face to face with escargots.

"For drinks or dinner?"

'Fish has mercury, meat has e-coli, veggies have pesticides, desserts cause obesity...so we'll have the health-concious nothing for dinner' special.'

'...and could you refill the vinegar - Genius here thinks it's the wine.'

'Hello, Ebeneezer! It's me - the ghost of coming dinner!'

The mission: Impossible burger.

'The tax and tip I understand, but what's this charge for shipping and handling?'

'Lovely soup, just like my mother used to open.'

'Are these mushrooms or toadstools? And why are you holding a stomach pump?.'

'After you with the camouflage.'

"Let me give you the Heimlich. That always gets the waiter's attention."

'Gluten-free manna will come in the second salvo.'

"Our greatest fears are confirmed, they've taken waffle fries off the menu."

"Would you mind telling me why you keep hitting a scary-music sound bite every time you pick up your steak knife?"

Waiter: 'Your Tossed salad Ma'am.'

Alarming symptoms after eating boiled beef and gooseberry pie

She realised it would be foolish to start a diet with third cousin Rodney's retirement party due in only 12 years.

"Is this because I didn’t eat my kale?"

"Wait. Let it breathe."

Toast with faces popped up from toaster.

'Romano, Romano, wherefore art thou Romano?'

Difference between regular and French onion soup? "When I serve the French onion soup, I sneer."

"I'm supposed to sing you the specials. Do you want me to do that?"

"What will change my life?"

"Hi again. Can I just check whether you enjoyed me interrupting your meal five minutes ago to ask whether you were enjoying your meal?"

"I will avenge the underdone fish that ruined my dinner if it's the last thing I ever do."

'How is the Peking Duck prepared?' 'I'll break it to her gently.'

"Waiter - this dish doesn't contain enough adjectives..!"

"Places, everybody!"