Bad Food Dramatist Gifts

'How can anything this bad be fattening?.'

Emotion of Mr. Kenwigs on hearing the family news from Nicholas

"Charles didn't like tofu."

'The vegetables sat in the crisper for hours...days...a whole week. Then suddenly, the drawer opened. A hand reached in, grabbed the kale, and all you could hear was the sound of...A Garbage disposal.'

'Someone's been tampering with this chicken. It tastes like chicken.'

The Perfect Foil

Somewhere in France - The Eliot sisters come face to face with escargots.

"For drinks or dinner?"

'Fish has mercury, meat has e-coli, veggies have pesticides, desserts cause obesity...so we'll have the health-concious nothing for dinner' special.'

'Hello, Ebeneezer! It's me - the ghost of coming dinner!'

"Let me give you the Heimlich. That always gets the waiter's attention."

'After you with the camouflage.'

'Are these mushrooms or toadstools? And why are you holding a stomach pump?.'

'Lovely soup, just like my mother used to open.'

'The tax and tip I understand, but what's this charge for shipping and handling?'

Waiter: 'Your Tossed salad Ma'am.'

"Our greatest fears are confirmed, they've taken waffle fries off the menu."

"Would you mind telling me why you keep hitting a scary-music sound bite every time you pick up your steak knife?"

'Gluten-free manna will come in the second salvo.'

Alarming symptoms after eating boiled beef and gooseberry pie

She realised it would be foolish to start a diet with third cousin Rodney's retirement party due in only 12 years.

"Is this because I didn’t eat my kale?"

'Romano, Romano, wherefore art thou Romano?'

Toast with faces popped up from toaster.

Difference between regular and French onion soup? "When I serve the French onion soup, I sneer."

"I'm supposed to sing you the specials. Do you want me to do that?"

"What will change my life?"

"Hi again. Can I just check whether you enjoyed me interrupting your meal five minutes ago to ask whether you were enjoying your meal?"

'How is the Peking Duck prepared?' 'I'll break it to her gently.'

"Waiter - this dish doesn't contain enough adjectives..!"

"Places, everybody!"

"Here are Monsieur Limace, our sommelier, Monsiere Juron, chef de Cuisine and Mr Kruigshenk, specialist for the beheading of breakfast eggs."