Comedic Dieters Gifts

Cathy decides to remain standing on the scale until she loses weight.

"Nice try, Jim, but there's no such thing as a 'Beer cleanse'."

'The doctor told me to introduce more greens in my diet.'

'Apparently the nutrients and the additives cancel each other out.'

'Do you want toast with that?'

'Where do you want to go for breakfast, fancy an Australian or do you want to nip over to Hawaii?'

"Dear Diary... I've stopped smoking, and I'm sticking to my diet."

'Ooh girl, he may look like a potato, but he moves like a yam!'

Chocolate Munchies. Only 100 calories...' awesome!' - '' - 'Runchy! Rurrgh!!' - '' - 'Oh, hold on. 100 calories per Munchie' - '' -

'Well, if I weigh that much after only putting one foot on, I don't think I have the courage to continue!'

'Well, at least we were able to remove that pesky hangnail. So, you have to be pretty stoked about that."

Sick Of A Low-Carb Diet

"You're suffering from an overdose of food."

I've been on this green leafy diet for months...

'Add three eggs, a pinch of salt, two ounces of olive oil and the phone number of a local pizza in delivery in case this recipe doesn't work out.'

'Work the ring! Use the Jab! Watch out for the left hook! And turn off your iPod.'

"It looks like there is too much dairy in your diet."

"I never remember, do you brine before or after you get attached to him."

'All you can eat, burgers.'

"Are you the gent who complained about cold soup?"

'I feel so proud. Dad says my cooking is just like Mum's.'

We were asked to insure them against poisoning their guests.

'Your fitness program really should include more exercise than just pushing yourself away from the table...'

'Hmm...Sofa sores. This is becoming increasingly common in fat blokes.'

Maude finally gets rid of her giant ass.

Never wear running shoes with a jogging suit.

Cream tea...without the cream,butter or jam and no milk with the tea!

'Weight loss can cause liver damage...'

Mom's Home-Deforested Cooking!

"The clouds of heaven have a load limit of 65 KG! Everyone over the load limit sinks down to Hell! 65,3 KG! You should not have eaten that last cake!"

'You'll never see me out jogging.'

"I was gonna try yoga, but I don't actually bend so that's not going to work."

"I have no trouble losing weight...it's just that I'm better at finding it."

"I like to mix up my exercise routine, usually with sitting on the sofa drinking beer!"

'A candy bar and cheese crackers? You call that a balanced lunch?'