Comedic Healthcare Pundit Pillows

'I think I'm seeing double again!'

"If you don't want stitches, that's fine. Suture self."

'The World will speak hip-hop tomorrow.'

'Nurse, why is there always a fly in my ointment?'

"L.L. Bean slippers... $25.00 Ambulance ride to hospital... $500.00 X-rays of spine... $350.00 Three refills of hydrocodone... priceless!"

Saline Drip Sommelier.

'Just sitting around letting advertisers brainwash me. What about you?'

There's Nothing Worse Than A Staff Infection

'Is there a chance you will die under the anaesthetic? Well, that is the killer question.'

Robot surgery.

'Hi, I'm Dr.Jones. Sorry about my little prank, but it saves us a fortune in enemas.'

'Ick! -- I'd never vote for anybody with hair like THAT!'

"Will I still be able to not exercise?"

'It's important to treat all our patients as individuals...this for example is individual number 78/yh5-fg34c.'

'I'll give it back to you in a second hon, I just want to get this broccoli out of my teeth.'

'As for the tonsillectomy...there was a little mix-up... In other words, you now have cup size D!'

"If Doctor have time, after bringing dead back to life, Doctor fix Egor's hump?"

'You do have catastrophic insurance, but it only applies in case of invasion from outer space.'

'I was a junior doctor when I started this shift.'

'Looks like we could have a pandemic on our hands.'

Admissions lady: 'I don't take care of myself like I should ... my negligence probably killed a guy once ... I'm secretly attracted to you ...'

"The operation was a success. Thank goodness for YouTube videos!"

No offense, Doctor, but I'm feeling kinda rushed.

A medical office filing cabinet has drawer labels that read, 'X-Rays,' 'Lab Work,' and 'Exam Room Banter'

He said he loved her for her brain but was her appendix he was always taking out.

"I'm putting you on a stronger placebo."

Medicare: More is Better!

'Well, at least we were able to remove that pesky hangnail. So, you have to be pretty stoked about that."

"When I said the surgery was minimally invasive I wasn't talking about your finances."

'When you said you are a hammer-toe specialist . . .'

'Have you got any hip-op?'

Nurse about surgeon juggling organs: 'I think Dr. Haywood could really use a sabbatical.'

Out of hours GP service machine.

Your body initially rejected the new kidney, but after we pumped you full of liquor, your body found the new kidney kind of attractive. We'll see what happens in the morning, though.

Fisherman Funneral