Healthcare Pundit Pillows

"You look like a million dollars."

"Well, those placebos are obviously not working so I'm going to prescribe a much stronger dose."

"I'm prescribing a patch. It will dispense meds as permitted by your insurance company."

The End Is Nigh. . . Told You

'So far, all I can tell you for sure is how much I've charged you.'

'It's a brand new state-of-the-art waiting room.'

"They used to call them G.P.s."

Take a pill so you won't be one.

'I see the rebranded mobile methadone project got underway.'

"We at MEGAPHARMA are 100% behind the benefits of 'talking therapies' which is why we've developed MEGAZYMOLIN to enhance the experience..."

'I had a taste of my own medicine yesterday - Yuck!'

VACCINATION REFUSAL

'Side effects may include loss of appetite, job, home and family.'

"Thank you all for coming to this small enclosed space to discuss a deadly and highly communicable disease."

'Is there a doctor in the house we can trust?'

Hospital: Accident and Emergency and On Purpose and Suffering Nicely.

'Anxiety drugs are driving up big pharma stocks, thanks to global armed conflict!'

"His blood work doesn’t look half as bad as his HMO."

"And he can make 347,000 home visits in one night!"

The Visitor

'In the absence of any meaningful arguments we'd like to shout a few hackneyed cliches!'

"If the medication we're giving you has side effects then we have some pills that may help."

'I don't want surgery...can you just touch up the x-rays?'

'Terrific commercial. I'm sold. You'll start on that medicine immediately.'

'Yours is an elective surgery, so we're still deciding if we feel like doing it or not.'

"You probably already know this disease from the walkathon of the same name."

Obesity in America.

'I need you to open wide, Peel.' - 'Ahhh.' - 'Not your mouth, fool! Your wallet.' - 'Arghhh!' - 'Wider!' - 'Argh!'

'As far as I'm concerned all this talk of 'privatisation' is just a lot of media hype!'

U.S. Sends Troops to Invade Ebola

"Side effects include less visits by the grim reaper."

"A low-level person who doesn't mean anything will see you now."

"The little thin girl inside you that wants to get out now weighs 200 pounds!"

"Is there a doctor in the house to treat someone without health insurance?"

Hospital