Healthcare Pundit Gifts

"You look like a million dollars."

"Well, those placebos are obviously not working so I'm going to prescribe a much stronger dose."

"I'm prescribing a patch. It will dispense meds as permitted by your insurance company."

'So far, all I can tell you for sure is how much I've charged you.'

'It's a brand new state-of-the-art waiting room.'

"They used to call them G.P.s."

'I see the rebranded mobile methadone project got underway.'

Take a pill so you won't be one.

VACCINATION REFUSAL

"We at MEGAPHARMA are 100% behind the benefits of 'talking therapies' which is why we've developed MEGAZYMOLIN to enhance the experience..."

'I had a taste of my own medicine yesterday - Yuck!'

'Side effects may include loss of appetite, job, home and family.'

"Thank you all for coming to this small enclosed space to discuss a deadly and highly communicable disease."

'Is there a doctor in the house we can trust?'

Hospital: Accident and Emergency and On Purpose and Suffering Nicely.

'In the absence of any meaningful arguments we'd like to shout a few hackneyed cliches!'

'Terrific commercial. I'm sold. You'll start on that medicine immediately.'

'Anxiety drugs are driving up big pharma stocks, thanks to global armed conflict!'

'I don't want surgery...can you just touch up the x-rays?'

The Visitor

"His blood work doesn’t look half as bad as his HMO."

"If the medication we're giving you has side effects then we have some pills that may help."

"And he can make 347,000 home visits in one night!"

'Yours is an elective surgery, so we're still deciding if we feel like doing it or not.'

Obesity in America.

"You probably already know this disease from the walkathon of the same name."

'I need you to open wide, Peel.' - 'Ahhh.' - 'Not your mouth, fool! Your wallet.' - 'Arghhh!' - 'Wider!' - 'Argh!'

"A low-level person who doesn't mean anything will see you now."

"The little thin girl inside you that wants to get out now weighs 200 pounds!"

"Is there a doctor in the house to treat someone without health insurance?"

"Side effects include less visits by the grim reaper."

Hospital

'As far as I'm concerned all this talk of 'privatisation' is just a lot of media hype!'

Elderly man on phone in bed - 'Press 1 if you have bed sores, Press 2 if you need to go to the toilet...'