Healthcare Finance Pundit Gifts

'When does the plaster come off?'

Medical Equipment profit chart.

'So far, all I can tell you for sure is how much I've charged you.'

Pay Hospital Bill Here.

'It's a brand new state-of-the-art waiting room.'

"They used to call them G.P.s."

"We at MEGAPHARMA are 100% behind the benefits of 'talking therapies' which is why we've developed MEGAZYMOLIN to enhance the experience..."

'Is there a doctor in the house we can trust?'

Hospital: Accident and Emergency and On Purpose and Suffering Nicely.

'Good thing your car was stationary when it hit me.'

"And he can make 347,000 home visits in one night!"

'In the absence of any meaningful arguments we'd like to shout a few hackneyed cliches!'

"His blood work doesn’t look half as bad as his HMO."

'I don't want surgery...can you just touch up the x-rays?'

'Yours is an elective surgery, so we're still deciding if we feel like doing it or not.'

'I need you to open wide, Peel.' - 'Ahhh.' - 'Not your mouth, fool! Your wallet.' - 'Arghhh!' - 'Wider!' - 'Argh!'

"A low-level person who doesn't mean anything will see you now."

'As far as I'm concerned all this talk of 'privatisation' is just a lot of media hype!'

"He's losing his will to pay!"

"Is there a doctor in the house to treat someone without health insurance?"

Hospital

"The Discount Physicians' Network is moving two thousand head up to Dodge City, Ma'am."

"Side effects include less visits by the grim reaper."

"Thanks for curing my multiple personality disorder, Doc... How much do we owe you?"

Elderly man on phone in bed - 'Press 1 if you have bed sores, Press 2 if you need to go to the toilet...'

'Now I'll show you what turns a $6,000 operation into a $17,000 operation.'

"For healthy older patients like yourself who are running out of money, I prescribe red meat, fat, and booze."

"I had an accident at work. Can you treat me at your hospital?"

'What's this? You're suing me because the prescribed medication made you 'irrationally exuberant' in a down market?'

"...contact his HMO about switching to a generic prescription!"

'The hospital is billing me for my out-of-body experience!'

Day two at the ...Brain Transplant Institute

'Does it hurt when I do this?'

'I'm afraid there is a two year waiting list for the operation you need, but I do have a slot for assisted suicide.'

'Call yourself a real consultant? You've only kept me waiting six weeks!'