Healthcare Finance Pundit Gifts

'When does the plaster come off?'

Medical Equipment profit chart.

'So far, all I can tell you for sure is how much I've charged you.'

Pay Hospital Bill Here.

'It's a brand new state-of-the-art waiting room.'

"They used to call them G.P.s."

"We at MEGAPHARMA are 100% behind the benefits of 'talking therapies' which is why we've developed MEGAZYMOLIN to enhance the experience..."

'Is there a doctor in the house we can trust?'

Hospital: Accident and Emergency and On Purpose and Suffering Nicely.

'In the absence of any meaningful arguments we'd like to shout a few hackneyed cliches!'

'Good thing your car was stationary when it hit me.'

"His blood work doesn’t look half as bad as his HMO."

"And he can make 347,000 home visits in one night!"

'I don't want surgery...can you just touch up the x-rays?'

'Yours is an elective surgery, so we're still deciding if we feel like doing it or not.'

'I need you to open wide, Peel.' - 'Ahhh.' - 'Not your mouth, fool! Your wallet.' - 'Arghhh!' - 'Wider!' - 'Argh!'

'As far as I'm concerned all this talk of 'privatisation' is just a lot of media hype!'

"Is there a doctor in the house to treat someone without health insurance?"

Hospital

"Thanks for curing my multiple personality disorder, Doc... How much do we owe you?"

"The Discount Physicians' Network is moving two thousand head up to Dodge City, Ma'am."

"He's losing his will to pay!"

"Side effects include less visits by the grim reaper."

"A low-level person who doesn't mean anything will see you now."

Elderly man on phone in bed - 'Press 1 if you have bed sores, Press 2 if you need to go to the toilet...'

'Now I'll show you what turns a $6,000 operation into a $17,000 operation.'

"For healthy older patients like yourself who are running out of money, I prescribe red meat, fat, and booze."

'I'm just checking on Ebay to see if there's any news on that liver replacement we were looking for!'

"I had an accident at work. Can you treat me at your hospital?"

"...contact his HMO about switching to a generic prescription!"

Day two at the ...Brain Transplant Institute

'The hospital is billing me for my out-of-body experience!'

'What's this? You're suing me because the prescribed medication made you 'irrationally exuberant' in a down market?'

'Does it hurt when I do this?'

'I'm afraid there is a two year waiting list for the operation you need, but I do have a slot for assisted suicide.'