Healthcare Cost Commentator Gifts

'$200 for this eye examination?!'

"Doc, my arm is killing me, but I don't know how I can afford care. My deductible is through the roof and I just got laid off my job."

'Well, maybe upteen zillion was too general a cost estimate.'

'So far, all I can tell you for sure is how much I've charged you.'

Pay Hospital Bill Here.

'It's a brand new state-of-the-art waiting room.'

"They used to call them G.P.s."

'And you say your face after you looked at the bill I sent you for your last visit.'

"We at MEGAPHARMA are 100% behind the benefits of 'talking therapies' which is why we've developed MEGAZYMOLIN to enhance the experience..."

'Is there a doctor in the house we can trust?'

Hospital: Accident and Emergency and On Purpose and Suffering Nicely.

"His blood work doesn’t look half as bad as his HMO."

'I don't want surgery...can you just touch up the x-rays?'

'There's only one side effect from this medication. It starts when you don't pay my bill!'

"And he can make 347,000 home visits in one night!"

'Yours is an elective surgery, so we're still deciding if we feel like doing it or not.'

"Congratulations...your cholesterol is lower than your copay."

'I need you to open wide, Peel.' - 'Ahhh.' - 'Not your mouth, fool! Your wallet.' - 'Arghhh!' - 'Wider!' - 'Argh!'

"Robyn Dixon got remarried!!!"

"My Alzheimers doctor. What can I do?"

"A low-level person who doesn't mean anything will see you now."

Private prescription drugs

"Side effects include less visits by the grim reaper."

Hospital

'As far as I'm concerned all this talk of 'privatisation' is just a lot of media hype!'

"He's losing his will to pay!"

Elderly man on phone in bed - 'Press 1 if you have bed sores, Press 2 if you need to go to the toilet...'

'Now I'll show you what turns a $6,000 operation into a $17,000 operation.'

"For healthy older patients like yourself who are running out of money, I prescribe red meat, fat, and booze."

'Under my health plan, alternative medicine, including placebos and hypochondria remedies will be covered.'

'It didn't make sense until I conferred with your financial planner.'

"I had an accident at work. Can you treat me at your hospital?"

"...contact his HMO about switching to a generic prescription!"

"Move over! - I just got the bill!"