Healthcare Cost Commentator Gifts

'$200 for this eye examination?!'

"Doc, my arm is killing me, but I don't know how I can afford care. My deductible is through the roof and I just got laid off my job."

'Well, maybe upteen zillion was too general a cost estimate.'

'So far, all I can tell you for sure is how much I've charged you.'

Pay Hospital Bill Here.

'It's a brand new state-of-the-art waiting room.'

"They used to call them G.P.s."

'And you say your face after you looked at the bill I sent you for your last visit.'

"We at MEGAPHARMA are 100% behind the benefits of 'talking therapies' which is why we've developed MEGAZYMOLIN to enhance the experience..."

'Is there a doctor in the house we can trust?'

Hospital: Accident and Emergency and On Purpose and Suffering Nicely.

'I don't want surgery...can you just touch up the x-rays?'

'There's only one side effect from this medication. It starts when you don't pay my bill!'

"His blood work doesn’t look half as bad as his HMO."

"And he can make 347,000 home visits in one night!"

'Yours is an elective surgery, so we're still deciding if we feel like doing it or not.'

'I need you to open wide, Peel.' - 'Ahhh.' - 'Not your mouth, fool! Your wallet.' - 'Arghhh!' - 'Wider!' - 'Argh!'

"Congratulations...your cholesterol is lower than your copay."

Private prescription drugs

"Robyn Dixon got remarried!!!"

"A low-level person who doesn't mean anything will see you now."

"Side effects include less visits by the grim reaper."

"He's losing his will to pay!"

'As far as I'm concerned all this talk of 'privatisation' is just a lot of media hype!'

"My Alzheimers doctor. What can I do?"

Hospital

Elderly man on phone in bed - 'Press 1 if you have bed sores, Press 2 if you need to go to the toilet...'

'Now I'll show you what turns a $6,000 operation into a $17,000 operation.'

"For healthy older patients like yourself who are running out of money, I prescribe red meat, fat, and booze."

"I had an accident at work. Can you treat me at your hospital?"

'I'm just checking on Ebay to see if there's any news on that liver replacement we were looking for!'

'It didn't make sense until I conferred with your financial planner.'

'Under my health plan, alternative medicine, including placebos and hypochondria remedies will be covered.'

"Move over! - I just got the bill!"

I'll need the tweezers. It looks like Mr. Fosgitt here is paying through the nose for his health insurance.