Healthcare Cost Humorist Gifts

"Congratulations...your cholesterol is lower than your copay."

"If you don't want stitches, that's fine. Suture self."

"Until the plaster sets, try not to laugh."

"I know other hospitals are worried about the superbug, but ours is the only one that understands the accounts system."

Providing Healthcare For All

'Maybe it is psychosomatic.'

'You'll be able to lead a normal life after the operation -- except, of course, for your enormous medical bills.'

'I think it's damn unprofessional for a dermatologist to scream 'Yikes' like that.'

'We'll need to run some preliminary tests to see if you're healthy enough for more invasive follow-up tests.'

'As you know, medical costs have skyrocketed -- that'll be fifty cents.'

'I only got up for a drink of water, and a queue's formed next to my bed.'

We can't call the doctor, we can't call the nurse, we have to call the lady with the alligator purse.

'Take one of these three times a day until you start to feel better.'

'You can tell your grandkids, you rode the most expensive vehicle on Earth!'

'The doctors say I have a rare illness that turns people into birds - it's untweetable.'

'Take two and call me from the Emergency room.'

Auto parts, Lite Puff Pastries, & Health Insurance Exchange.

'The food here isn't too bad, just try not to swallow !'

'What I call a miracle drug is one that doesn't start a government investigation.'

These drug will cost you an arm and a leg...the good news is, my wife and I own stock in the company that makes them.

Scary Halloween ICD-10 codes.

'Hi, I'm Dr.Jones. Sorry about my little prank, but it saves us a fortune in enemas.'

What the patient heard and what the doctor meant to convey.

"Of course I believe in unions - Where do you think we doctors would be without the A.M.A.?"

'Excuse me, sir. Could you spare $2000,000 to treat an uninsurable pre-existing condition?'

'Could you stay out of the room for awhile, Nurse? -- Every time you walk in here, his testosterone levels surge.'

NHS/Private Eye Care.

'If you could roll up your sleeves, go behind the screen and plaster the wall.'

'Are you writing my symptoms, or is that your autobiography?'

"There's a shortage of beds, dear."

"I've decided to go a different way for our new health plan."

"Look, look … someone wrote unoperable."

"I've run every test known to man, and it turns out you're allergic to medical bills."

"Sorry, new style pain killer. It's the cut-backs I'm afraid."

"I suppose it was bound to come to this."